The Misadventures of Kaia (and Cole!)

2008-05-09T16:34:00.003-04:00

Kaia-Spring 2008 Age:4
Cole-Spring 2008 Age: 2

Fall...

2006-08-20T20:57:00.001-04:00

It's nearing the end of August. And the end of summer.The days are starting to cool. The air in the evening has a certain smell to it. A nip that wasn't there before. Tonight as I watched my kids play outside, Kaia yelling in her little voice for Cole to come and get her, and him moving his chubby little thighs as fast as he could with a huge grin on his face as he crawled. I felt myself feeling like I was going to cry. Another season is gone and my children are just a little older. I wished I could freeze frame this moment in my mind forever. This image of Kaia with a huge smile on her face and laughing and Cole grining in his sweet baby way. Kaia will be three in a few months and Cole one. I wonder if they will remember these little moments. Somewhere in the deepest part of their minds,their souls even. It might be vague just a rememberence of a laugh or a smile. The way the air smelled. Or a feeling. But I hope this will stay with them. This golden perfect evening when all was right with the world. Just us enjoying one another and the beautiful night. Not the times of frustration over something that in the scheme of things is nothing at all. Or the constant nagging when we are late. Any one of the billion moments when its so easy to forget that they won't be this age forever one day they will move away from me. They won't have chubby thighs and laughs that echo in the evening. They won't run to me for kisses. They'll grow up and become adults with their own busy lives. Childhood really is fleeting. I hope I can remember that and stop more and forget the other things and just enjoy my children as they are now. They won't be this way forever.

Update..it's been a long time coming!!!

2006-08-19T09:05:00.000-04:00

Wow. Ok. So I haven't posted in an incredibly long time. I just couldn't do it. I thought about it many times. But my family and Nates family started reading my blog. Or at least they knew about it. I started feeling so constricted. I couldn't really post about what I wanted too. Then life just got in the way of life for me. It was too hard. I was feeling alot of feelings that were too hard to express. All sorts of things that I wonder if they even matter now. I did start keeping a mini My*space blog. Then the thought occurred to me. That I was blocking the public from reading it. But the people I was most worried about on this blog. Could all read that one. So I stopped caring. And here I am. I'm not too sure if this all makes sense. I doubt anyone still reads this. But thats ok. I 'm ready. I'm ready to put myself out there again and just do it. This time for me, and no one else. I may not write that well, my grammar may be horrible. But at least I'm finally fully there and ready to express myself. Hopefully I can stop feeling so pent up. Hopefully.

To catch myself back up I'll be copying my myspace blogs here over the course of the next few days. For now enjoy some pics.

Kaia is almost three!

Cole is almost one!!

I've moved...

2006-03-10T12:57:00.000-05:00

sorta.

I started a new more private blog. Leave a comment with your email address and I'll send you the link. I'll still post here and put up pictures of the kids. But the other blog will allow me some more freedom to really write about what I want.Therfore allow me to post more often. Hopefully someone out theree still reads this and they'll want it.....

2006-03-01T14:58:00.000-05:00

I realized the other day I haven't posted any recent pictures of Cole. Can you believe he's four months old already? I do have to thank to the blogosphere for telling me about the Bumbo seat. I never would have heard of them if people on several blogs hadn't mentioned them. This is the only thing that allows me to ever have use of my hands. Because this child if not being held is in this bumbo seat and thats the only time he's really happy for long periods of time (unless hes sleeping).New private blog coming soon. I'll let you know when it's up and running. In the meantime leave me a comment if you want a link to it. Don't forget to give me your address to email it...

2006-02-23T12:34:00.000-05:00

So I have this problem, I neglect this site too much. Mainly because I have family who read this site, and it really limits what I can write about. So I've been looking to trying to find a way to have certain posts password protected. But I don't think it can be done on blogger. So does anyone else know of other sites that are free or cheap? Let me know and hopefully I can start blogging the way I really want...

Oh and I just realized ..today's my birthday..Happy Bday to me!

SPF-Stuff Portrait Friday

2006-02-17T11:59:00.000-05:00

This week I actually got over my fear of total dorkiness sucked it up and played with the cool kids. If you don't know what SPF is go on over to Kristine's site and check it out.

Under my bed: Suprisingly not much just some hangers and clothes. Because I am not that skilled at taking pics I couldnt get a decent shot of everything. So heres the the best shot I could get.
My Stereo: I just use Jet Audio on my computer. Not to interesting.
My Pots and Pans: Since I can't cook they mostly sit in the big ass drawers in my kitchen since I have no other cabinet space.

2006-02-17T01:33:00.000-05:00

Kaia playing her guitar at Great-Grandma's house. There's nothing that she loves more to do then sing and dance and play music. I'll be updating and posting more soon I have been super busy with getting ready for yet another move, more details on this later. In the meantime I'll keep posting cute pics!

Daniel

2006-02-03T00:10:00.000-05:00

Hi all. Once again I'm posting to introduce you to a new person in the world! This is Daniel Thomas. He's my sister in law Aimees son. Poor kid had a really rough start in life. He was born by emergency c-section at 37 weeks and weighed barely 5lbs. He was doing better but is back in the hospital this week for the second time with RSV. No matter what religon you guys are please give this little man (and his tired parents) some thoughts and prayers, I'm sure he could use them!

Go Steelers!!!

2006-01-16T22:37:00.000-05:00

The happy faces of two pint sized Steelers fans.......doesn't Kaia look so content?

Somebody give me a good title for this post!

2006-01-04T15:46:00.000-05:00

Thought you might like to see some recent pics of my little chubby chunkers as I like to call him. This is him on Christmas. The pic of Kai is her grumpy because we kept taking pictures of her! Also go check out my friend Willows new site.

Cole's Birth Story

2005-12-31T12:06:00.000-05:00

Cole's birth story isn't all that unique. Compared to Kaias birth his was the easiest ever. His pregnacy was NOT.In order for me to really tell his story I have to give you the rundown on my last few weeks that I was pregnant with him. I had been having horrible migraines, to the point where I couldn't see in a lighted room and couldn't feel part of my hand. The first time I had a migraine I had no clue what it was! My Ob had to tell me. I'd never had one before. They are horrible. I couldn't sleep because of hip pain, the position Cole was in put extreme pressure on one of my hips and he would NOT be moved. There was nothing the chiropractor could do.So I was pretty miserable, I was in pain from migraines and hip pain. I couldn't sleep more than two hours at a time (getting up to pee only being able to sleep on one side bc of my hip and etc.) and had a two year old to deal with during the day. I was VERY stressed out and ready to have the baby. Then on the 26th the morning of my midwife's appointment I found out my husband was being transferred to another branch of the company that was in another part of the state. And we had about 3 weeks to move. I was not happy, and went to my midwives feeling very frustrated and anxious. We started talking and in the end we decided it would be best for everyone to induce the baby, I had already been 2 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced for a few days with no sign of progress. So it was just a mutual decision that it was best to induce. I know many people would not agree with my decision and that's ok. I did what was best for me and there were many other factors involved in my decision that I don't wish to talk about here. So my induction was scheduled for the 28th just two days away! I couldn't wait.

That Friday morning I went to the hospital at 7 a.m. and got all settled in. I hadn't made any progress. So the pitocin was started around 8 a.m. I had a few visitors throughout that morning. But nothing special happened. They slowly increased my pitocin and my contractions got stronger and stronger. Around 12:30 I was in a lot of pain and decided that I wanted an epidural. I was committed to having this baby vaginally and to have the best experience possible and for me that meant being coherent and not focused on pain but on the baby and enjoying the experience. My midwives were great. They came in and checked on me throughout the day and even ones who were not on call stopped by on their lunch break. (The practice that my midwives are in have 4 different midwives and they rotate days). The anethesiologist came in about 1:30 by this time I was more than ready for my epidural. I hate needles though and getting it was extremely hard for me. They had me sit up on the edge of the bed which wasn't easy with the contractions I was having. I sat there and leaned forward resting my head on Nate and just tried to breathe through the pain. It took about ten minutes before he was done and once he was finished I had a large needle taped down in my back so they epidural could be sent in through the IV. But once that epidural kicked in it was great. It worked wonderful on me I was completely numb from the waist down and couldn't feel even the most major contractions. My midwives came in shortly after I have the epidural to check me again and I had made some progress but not much.(Up until the epidural being checked was excruciating for me but once I had it..it didn't even make me flinch). I tried to nap a little bit but the excitement was too much and I ended up watching t.v most of the afternoon,Nate was extremely excited and was getting impatient so I sent him across the street from the hospital to get some dinner with his father. Around 630-645 my midwives changed their shift and I had my most favorite one of all Kathleen. Kathleen and I got along great and she was everything about a midwife that I loved. Quiet, gentle, almost motherlyish in the way she treated her patients. She checked me again and said that I was 9 centimeters but we still had a little bit of a wait and couldn't start pushing until I fully ten centimeters. She said she had another patient to check on and that she would be back in a few minutes and hopefully I would be ten and could start pushing. We called Nate to come back just to be on the safe side. We didn't want him to miss anything. He was back in about three minutes flat. He ran all the way from the restaurant back to the hospital. A few minutes after that I informed my mother that I had to use the restroom. She asked me if it was because I had to pee or if I felt like I had to poop(Hope you don't mind but this is really what was said!). When I told her I had to poop she went and got the nurse and the checked me again and I was fully dilated and Cole was on his way! Everyone left the room to wait in the hallway, and my mother held one leg up and Nate took the other. My friend A, stood behind my head holding my hand and rubbing my back. Everytime I felt a contraction start I pushed (I didn't actually feel any pain just had a very strong sense that I needed to push). They brought in a mirror and I was able to watch his progress with each push. It was amazing, I got to stop and feel his little head and watch as he came out. It was truly one of the greatest experiences of my life. After only a half an hour of pushing I got to meet my little boy. I think I'll stop here for now. I'll write more later.

2005-12-29T12:26:00.000-05:00

This one is my favorite of all his hospital pictures.

2005-12-29T12:21:00.000-05:00

She looked huge next to him!

2005-12-29T12:19:00.000-05:00

I'm back for good this time here are some long awaited pics of Cole. This one is the first time Kaia ever met him.

No Worries.

2005-12-13T19:29:00.000-05:00

I 'm alive. Very busy though. In the past 6 weeks I have:

Had a baby.
Had TWO birthday parties for my now 2 yr old daughter.
Been in the hospital for three days over Thanksgiving with my then three-week old.
Visited with family from out of town also over Thanksgiving.
Moved to the other side of the state the day after Thanksgiving.
Moved again 10 days later.
Am now in dispute with previous landlord over the BLACK MOLD we discovered in our newly rented house.

Am now unpacking in our new mold free house.

More details to come and hopefully a site redesign to come soon. I'll try to write before Christmas, but we currently have no internet in our house and have no idea when it'll be hooked up. Sometime within the next week. WE HOPE. Best wishes for the holiday season if I can't post before hand. :)

2005-11-02T17:23:00.000-05:00

Pics of Cole and birth story to come soon. For now here is one of my favorite pics of Kaia we took a few weeks ago at the pumpkin patch. They had a bunch of blow up play gym thingy's that she loved(what are those things called anyway?)

Announcing,,

2005-10-30T14:47:00.000-05:00

Cole-Anthony Robert Lastname
7lbs 5oz. 19in.
Born at 7:38 p.m Oct 28,2005

Pics to come later....

10.. 9... 8... 7... 6... 5.. 4......

2005-10-26T19:40:00.000-04:00

2 centimeters, 80% effaced, head is at zero station..anytime now.... by the weekend ...yaay!!!

2005-10-22T14:23:00.000-04:00

I know I promised the story of how Nate and I got together, but lately I can't seem to muster up the energy to think that far back and go into all the details. It is a long and complicated story involving not just Nate and myself. So I think before I write it, I need to talk to the other people involved and see if they are ok with my putting it out there on the Internet.

Instead I will talk about my total lack of posting and why. Lately I have nothing really good to say. I am tired I am bloated. Kaia is growing and developing faster then my 9 month pregnant self can keep up with. I am crabby and tired. While I am so grateful for this experience of having a normal pregnancy and not having to constantly worry that I'm going to go into labor too early, I am past that point now, and it is killing me. The constant kidney shots by this big boy. The lack of sleep from being up every hour to pee or to roll over (I can no longer roll over without effort). This is all new territory for me and often times after only getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep, it seems like all I am capable of is making sure Kaia, dressed and the house is clean. Nate has been wonderful and supportive. I love him for it. But I am ready for this baby to come out now!!!

Did I mention the constant worry? I worry by nature, about EVERYTHING. People tell me to relax but I just can't. I worry that something terrible will happen with the umbilical cord (if it can happen on ER it can happen right??). I worry that if I lift something that is too heavy I'll do something to him. I worry when Kaia and I lay on the bed together and play and she'll suddenly kick out at me. It's never very hard but what if she kicks the baby? I need to see him. I need to know he's ok and to hold him in my arms and reassure myself that he has ten fingers and toes and that he is developed the way he should be. I need to meet this little creature who has taken over my body. It's always there in the back of my head that if something happened I wouldn't know immediately and even if I did, would I be able to do anything about it? I can pick Kaia up after a fall and kiss her "ouchie" and make it all better. I can reassure myself when the fears creep up at 3am by simply going into her room and making sure she is still breathing and is safe and sound. I can't do that with him. All I can do is lie there and wait for a kick or a slight movement. Since he is getting bigger the kicks and moving have been a little less then usual and scares me to death. All this is going through my mind and at times it is very hard to write. I don't want this blog to be something negative to become a list of all my complaints and worries. So I have been avoiding it, waiting for him to make his appearance and hoping that the fears will go away. But then I realized what better place to get all this out then here. What other place am I free to post anything I want? To say anything I need to. So here it is.

Bad blogger!!!

2005-10-11T19:30:00.000-04:00

I have been a very bad blogger lately. Pregnancy and dealing with a toddler and sick family members and family visits, preparing for the baby has just gotten in the way. My thoughts have been too jumbled and a mess to coherently put into words. So after some down time and relaxation and now that everything is settled all I have to do for the next three weeks is wait for my second little punkin to make an appearance. I am sincerely hoping for an October baby. October is one of my favorite times of the yeah and I cannot wait to meet this little person inside me.

Kaia has been alternating between being the smartest, sweetest, cutest little peanut, and being the world’s worst terror. Having tantrums that I would not wish on my worst enemy. But slowly we are getting through it. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I am in this endless state of tiredness and am cranky most of the time. I am working on a requested post of the story of Nate and I, it will be posted later tonight or tomorrow. Pictures coming soon. In the meantime does anyone have any ideas on how I should redo my blog? Colors, new names and etc?

2005-09-18T04:03:00.000-04:00

My internet has been freaking me out for the past day or so, it won't let me access other blogger sites telling me:

You are not authorized to view this page
You might not have permission to view this directory or page using the credentials you supplied.
If you believe you should be able to view this directory or page, please try to contact the Web site by using any e-mail address or phone number that may be listed on the *homepage address here* home page.
You can click Search to look for information on the Internet.
HTTP Error 403 - Forbidden Internet Explorer

These are sites I go to everyday and up until now I have never had any problems with..If anyone out there has any clue why this is happening please let me know! I am hopelessly pathetic when it comes to fixing compy problems so any advice would be appreciated. It eventually will let me access the site after I retry like ten times..it's all very strange....and it's only other blogger sites, as far as I know I haven't broken any blogger rules I almost never comment on other sites I mostly just lurk and read.....could this be yet another annoying blogger quirk?

Katrina....

2005-09-03T14:04:00.000-04:00

I have no words to describe what I feel when I look at the images of destruction in New Orleans, I think the Aitch described exactly what I'm feeling when she wrote her post on it. I also have many questions about the way things happened with the evacuation, I think Michael Moore sums it up perfectly in his letter to President Bush. So much has been said and written about Katrina in this past week and many people said it far better then I ever can.

Here are some links:

Cecily - Put many things that are going on in New Orleans into perspective to me.

What Kristine is doing to help over at her site is awesome!

Beth at CrazyUs has posted a million ways to help, go check it out.

I wish I had more links but there are too many to count. These are just my favorites. My prayers are with everyone in New Orleans and surrounding areas.

2005-08-31T22:02:00.000-04:00

I'm still here....just taking a much needed break to think about myself and the direction I want to take this blog, In the meantime look at that belly! For me this seems huge, (I'm 31 weeks). I can't imagine getting much bigger....

2005-07-23T10:25:00.000-04:00

My weekend in a nutshell, messy hair and pizza crust.....wish I looked this cute while eating it,lol!

Harry Potter

2005-07-20T00:19:00.000-04:00

Due to circumstances beyond my control I did not get my Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince book until yesterday. I got it right before my daughter's doctors appointment, read it on the way there, on the way to back, ont he way to the mall , when I got home and finished it this morning, (combined about 4 hrs). I.could.not.put.it.down. It was a great book, I laughed at the funny parts, cried (CRIED!) at the sad parts. I already can't wait for the next one......if you haven't read any of the books go read them. They get better with each one.......

(Yes I know I sound like a half crazed lunatic when talking about this book but it has been such a long time since I have had a chance to read any book that didn't have a reading level of a two year old...and I actually enjoyed it!!)

Kaia Update....

2005-07-17T13:43:00.000-04:00

Recently Kaia discovered the joy of showering. It happened by accident one day when she got the cap off her sippy cup and spilled sticky juice ALL over herself, and N happened to be taking a shower so I stuck her in there with him to get clean while I cleaned the mess. Kill two birds with one stone and all that..well little did I know what I was starting..every day since whenever N goes to get ready for work she has to get in too or else crying and screaming and sobbing at the bathroom door like we are killing her starts. Then she started wanting the shower on during her baths too, at first I would only let her have it on for a few minutes but now she doesn't even want the bath. Yup my kid now actually asks to take a shower all the time and LIKES it to the point it led her to speak her first full coherent sentence to me! Tonight when I asked her if she was ready to get out she didn't answer so I asked her if Kaia was okay? She opened the shower curtain a tiny bit peeked out and yelled word for word, "Kaia okay, go away go away!". She then slammed the curtain shut in my face and started dancing in the shower. I hope this lasts! I have met too many kids who hate showers/baths. Although I never dreamed Kaia would be taking showers this early on. She's also slowly getting the hang of learning what the soap is for and likes to rub it on her her arms and legs and tummy and say washing! (sounds more like wassing). She hasn't quite figured out the shampoo part yet and will try to pour the whole bottle on her head though.
She is also very into purses and has a little pink purse that says high maintence on one side (so true!) filled with little things like toy sunglasses, a set of (sterilized) real old house keys on a keychain, some tissue, a little change purse and a broken cell phone.She loves to carry this around and it is slowly becoming an item she cannot leave the house without. It's so cute to see her stop and unzip it to get her sunglasses on or to get her phone and put it up to her ear and say "hewwo?" Her hair is also finally long enough for a teeny weenie ponytail but I'll take it!. My little girl is finally becoming a little girl! She has an interest in her clothes and loves being told how pretty she is. Just in time too, cause now I'll have a little boy to deal with!!
Her chicken pox are finally over. Poor little Kaikai she had a tough winter first with the rotovirus then the chicken pox. But hopefully that's all past now. It was rough for awhile and she had to be pretty medicated with benedryl to be comfortable enough to sleep. But it's nice to have a semi pleasant baby back. ( I say semi pleasant because we've also hit the terrible two's). She has few scattered bumps that are slowly fading but it's over and she's no longer contagious. Hopefully the rest of the summer will be illness free and we can just have some fun!

2005-07-15T23:30:00.000-04:00

Hey Mom, what's this thing?

2005-07-15T18:08:00.000-04:00

I might not be on very much this weekend...why you ask???? Two words...HARRY POTTER.
Yes my secret is out I am a huuuge Harry Potter fan.........

Update!

2005-07-14T22:33:00.000-04:00

It was good news! The baby turned out to be fine. (I can now kick myself for being such a worrywart).The cysts at the base of his brain have completely disappeared. We also got some really good shots of the sex better then last time and it is definitely a boy. I wonder how different raising a little boy will be from raising a little girl. We did find out that I have a shortened cervix. I had this same problem with Kaia hopefully I will be able to avoid premature labor this time! There isn't a big concern yet. I have to go back in about 3-4 weeks to make sure it doesn't shorten even more. In the meantime I have to avoid *ahem* certain activities with my husband and any heavy lifting. They both will be hard to do. Poor Kaia is just getting over a nasty bout with chicken pox and wants to be held and carried around, I can't really do that any more and it'll be hard telling her that. (Any suggestions on how I can make this easier on her?) Her face is finally clearing of all those nasty pimples and it's nice to see her be more relaxed. We had some bad times last week. Lots of benedryl and calamine lotion! Thanks to everyone who posted or sent me an email it was really nice to hear from you guys. I will be posting the belly shots and ultrasound pics soon, I need to get my scanner up and working first. In the meantime I'll post cute pics of Kaia that are saved on my computer!

2005-07-14T19:38:00.000-04:00

Can't tell what she's thinking here, a cross between a bemused what the heck are you doing Mama and I just got up and already your telling me to say cheese???

???

2005-07-12T18:18:00.000-04:00

I went to the doc's yesterday for a routine checkup. Only to find out that at my last ultrasound they found a cyst on the baby's brain,so they referred me to a perinatologist to have a more advanced 3-d ultrasound done. My appointment is tommorow. My midwife was great, telling me not to worry that it most likely is nothing and should resolve itself by the time the baby is born. But they just want to run extra tests "just in case". So don't worry!. Um...ok..how the hell do I do that? When she was telling me all of this I just sat there my mind went blank and I left without asking any important questions. Like how big is it? Where on the brain is it? So far I have done everything but sit on my hands to stop myself from googling "cyst on the brain" and finding out all the horrible things that it can mean. But I think what I'm picturing is worse. Since I don't know what can happen I'm imagining all sorts of things, like brain damage,some kind of disease that causes these things thats incurable. A million different things. I don't want to overreact when it could turn out to be nothing, but how do I not worry? How do I not feel completely frustrated that with my first pregnacy I had to be in and out of the hospital and on bedrest with premature labor, and eventually having a 6 week preemie. A totally effed up pregnacy. Now another one with a worry of a cyst on it's brain. How do I not feel like that I'm somehow broken and causing all these abnormal pregnacies. Why can't I just be one of those moms who goes to the doc's pees in the cup sees the baby all perfect on the screen and sails out dreaming of the tiny little baby thats growing as healthy as can be. I know it's early to be so worried. That this time tommorow I could be fine and the baby will be fine, and this will all be a memory. It's the what if, the idea of a maybe that it COULD be something. It's what that something could lead to that scares the crap out of me. How can I not worry? Am I overreacting? Is this something that just happens in pregnacy? Does this happen more than I realize? I hope I am just a worrywart and making too much out of it......

2005-07-12T11:15:00.000-04:00

I think she looks more like her dad......

2005-07-10T19:43:00.000-04:00

A picture of myself I actually like (minus the broken glasses with tape), I'm back for good this time my compy is all fixed and I'll be posting more pics including the promised horrible ones b/c of the bet I lost with my little brother.

Cross your finger's and hope my internet lets me post this.....

2005-06-25T18:07:00.000-04:00

So yeah I haven't posted in awhile when I should have. In my defense things have been really really hectic around here lately. A family member died unexpectedly and we had to make a four hour trip down to Cincinatti, for the funeral stay a couple days. And drive back. And with a toddler let me tell you thats NOT fun. Four hours in a car seat? Kaia wasn't having any of that.On the plus side I got to meet family memebers I had never met and find out some interesting things about my mother's side of the family. But more on that later. * Summer is also in fu.l swing around here(FINALLY). And I spend almost all day everyday outside with Kaia playing in the wading pool at the this awesome park not far from my house. Then to top it off my computer got a virus and we discovered that our compy was also infected with over 702 spyware thingy's(forget what these are called). We got rid of the spyware but ever since things on the compy have been really screwed up. My internet barely works, only at certain times when it wants to. Anytime I navigate away from a page it doesn't load and I have to disable our LAN thing and re-enable it. Then the page loads verrrryyy slowly and I have to do the same thiing over again thirty times. Aim seems to work though, as long as I'm not doing anything else on the compy and I'm willing to wait the ten minutes it takes to start up. (I'm not usually that patient). Dell is being a total bitch and asking for our "express" code whenever we call and we can't seem to get a real person. Now wtf is an express code and where the hell am I supposed to get one? Can you tell Ithis makes me mad? I mean seriously everytime I turn on the tv I see a commercial talking about Dells 24/hr tech support. Well I'd love to take advantage of that considering I just bought this Dell last December. But oops I can't actually get through to them!!! If anyone out there knows anything about this problem I am describing leave me a comment... somehow I doubt throwing the entire compy off the balcony will solve the problem. It'd be very satisfying yes, but that leaves me cut off from all my beloved internet.

~Warning:Parental bragging ahead~
Kaia has been growing like a weed. The little munchkin is now in size 5 wide shoes and it ready for a bigger pair since her little toes are sticking out of her sandals. I remember when newborn socks fell off her little preemie foot because she was so small. Where does the time go? Her current favorite word is wow. Some other ones she has come out with are toes, stop,bye-bye, night-night, baby (usually while holding one of her dolls or pointing at mommy's belly), blanky, and many others. She's learning new words everyday. She's also in her terrible twos full swing. Oh the screaming of the word no, and the stomping of the feet, and the lovely hitting she has taken too whenever she is mad. The wall, me, Nate, herself the table. It's hard not to laugh I admit, but sometimes it's so funny to see her so upset over someone simply draining the bathtub. Parenthood is fun. Hopefully next week I'll still feel the same way.....

*I don't mean to seem callous about the death in my family, it's just not something I feel I'm ready to go more in depth about right now. It was one of my favorite aunts, and my grandmother's sister and it was most likely the worst week of my grandmother's life. Once I know she'll be ok I'll write more about it....

2005-06-15T21:49:00.000-04:00

Apparently I'm an owl......

Owl
101% Beast

You are an owl. You are a cultured person and probably have some good close friends. People should be wary not to anger you as you will attack.

Late night ramblings with my lil bro....

2005-06-12T03:10:00.000-04:00

The following is an AIM convo I had with my little brother Will, I'm bored and too tired to post anything right now so I'd thought I'd post this convo and show you the random things I can think about. Hopefully this will still be as funny tommorow morning!....oh and just a little disclaimer...I'm not under the influence of anything in this convo this is just how wierd I can get...scary huh? (I also left in most of the typos to show what my typing really looks like without the use of spell check)
kaiasmom2003: holy tornados batman!
kaiasmom2003: or is it torpeda's?
Lil Bro: what is it robin??
kaiasmom2003: I dunno!
kaiasmom2003: too much ice cream
kaiasmom2003: why are we wearing these tights batman?
kaiasmom2003: how does this make us look so totally super cool to wear green tights
Lil Bro: cause were trend setters and it looks awesome
Lil Bro: lets go back to the bat cave and play touch and tickle
kaiasmom2003: yeah well I look like a walking shrine to xmas in this red and green outfit
kaiasmom2003: but then...why is my cap yellow
kaiasmom2003: cape*
kaiasmom2003: and are we really fooling anyone as to who we really are by wearing this thing on our eyes that covers an inch of our face
Lil Bro: i dont know but it looks cool and catches my fancy
kaiasmom2003: and how the do you move in palstic an rubber?
Lil Bro: fexibly,say enough talk robin, lets go back to the bat cave and play touch and tickle
kaiasmom2003: oooh batman
Lil Bro: robin you make any middle aged phycholgically crazy gay man happy
kaiasmom2003: lol
kaiasmom2003: man are we dorks
kaiasmom2003: lololol
kaiasmom2003: I meant us Will
kaiasmom2003: batman and robin are dorks too though

Ladies and Gentlemen...

2005-06-10T20:57:00.000-04:00

It's a boy! We found out today! More to come later, I have been in a blog funk lately but now I'm back!

2005-05-29T02:44:00.000-04:00

I'm a little down and frustrated right now. There's no specific reason why I'm so damn crabby, I just AM. I need to vent and I am too afraid to really tell anyone, until now. When I decided to just post a big old list of all the things I that are bothering me .I hestitated for days because I don't want to seem ungrateful or bratty or complaining. But it's my blog and sometimes I wonder if anyone else out there feels the way I do. Or if I just need a kick in the pants and told to get my head out of my ass. So here goes:

Right now I am feeling like I hate all these things:

that it's the second trimester and I am still throwing up.
that my sleep is totally screwed up and I am constantly tired
I feel like a horrible mom because lately I have been very irritated with Kaia as much as I love her there are days where it's just NOT cute that she managed to get into the fridge or the diaper wipes or SOMETHING that creates a mess. All in the time it takes me to pee.
our insurance that we got from a program here in Ohio that has been wonderful because it's free cut us off because we just barely make too much to qualify,but yet we can't really afford insurance (also am totally useless parent for this)
the fact that I can't go to my OB for a checkup until the new insurance kicks in and I am way overdue for one having missed the last one because Kai was in the hospital (also am horrible mother for this)
I have no energy and feel like shit and like a lazy bum because I have no energy, there are tons of pregnant mothers out there who work and deal with a toddler at home and still manage to have a clean house -what the hell is wrong with me that I am so damn tired???
I REALLY hate the fact that we have to get a new car out of the blue and it's causing huge financial problems, because N has no credit and therefore can't get anything credit-wise and my credit is absolute crap because of an insurance error that didn't cover Kaias birth and I owe thousands of dollars..... so we may have to buy yet another crappy car that will break and thus the whole process starts again
I am a socially awkward person and often feel very isolated because I only have a few people that I am comfortable with and making new friends almost rarely happens ....

I also really don't like the fact that there is more that I could say but I am too chickenshit to say it. I'm just going to end here, and go to bed and hope I feel better in the morning.

I'm back!

2005-05-25T22:35:00.000-04:00

Yes,I''m back, sorry for the long delay, it has been a very busy week. Blogger has also been mean again and refusing to let me on. I know I need to post a bad pic of myself b/c I lost the bet with my bro and I'm working on it I swear. I don't actually own a digital camera of any sort, so I borrow my step- dad's and use it for a week or so, then return it and he uploads the pictures to his computer and emails the pictures to me and then I have to put them on here. So it takes forever, I have yet to give the camera back because our car died. Yup,died.Kaput,broken, not drivable. Can't be fixed we need a new engine and according to the mechanic we might as well buy a new car. So this week has been stressful. N and I have been sniping at each other both worried over money and whatnot. So I promise lots of cute pics soon, and a more coherent well written post, when I have some free time.....

2005-05-17T15:49:00.000-04:00

My kids poops in the bathtub. There I said it. I have no idea why, but lately EVERYTIME I have given her a bath sure enough at some point out comes the poop, then I have drain the water and refill the tub. It's gross. I have no clue how to stop her from doing this. I tried pushing back the time I give her a bath thinking maybe it just intereferes with that time she just needs to go. But no luck I waited a full hour and no poop so I went ahead and gave her one. Two minutes into the bath out came the poop. I've never heard of anyone else having this problem. It's very weird, and very gross. Any advice on this would be much appreciated.

I give up....

2005-05-16T20:50:00.000-04:00

Ok, he wins, it seems everyone but me is able to see a resemblance between my brother and Brandon Flowers from The Killers. So yes it is now time for me to fess up. Our bet was if he won I'd have to post a pic of him in a skirt/dress. If he won, I have to post a pic of myself just out of bed in the morning, bed head, skanky pajamas, the whole nine yards. This may not sound particularly horrible, but for me it is. Have you noticed I never post pics of myself? Sure of Kaia I will she's cute. Of my family sure,anyone, as long as they aren't ME. I have issues with my looks,I have never photographed well. In fact there's only one recent pic of myself that I actually like..unfortunately Nate was being a total goof so it turned out bad. Also I think I look horrible with my glasses, but I have to wear them because of an eye infection I had after Kaia was born. Contacts are out. I am also in the process of growing my hair out after I cut it short, so it's not to great right now. But a bets a bet so I'll suck it up and do it. I promised him I'd have the pic up by the end of the week. So....look for a horrible picture that'll be up sometime soon. Hopefully it won't frighten you too bad.....

2005-05-14T19:02:00.000-04:00

This is Will he's my 15 yr old little bro he thinks he looks like the guy in the pic below,(the one not wearing a jacket) I don't see it. So we have a bet and need your help leave me a comment and tell me what you think, does he look like him or not?

2005-05-14T18:28:00.000-04:00

The Killers

2005-05-14T05:27:00.000-04:00

I had a nice long post about my week and various things all written out and ready to post, blogger was actually being nice to me and working for once. Just as I hit that publish post button....my power went out in my building, and for a about half my little town. By the time I was able to get back to my compy and try to retrieve it it was too late.....I'll try to write something more tommorow I promise.......on a funny note just to give you an example of my week, some friends came and picked up my and Kai we went and got some dinner, came back and the power was still out. So we went to two different stores and finally found flashlights at Walmart in the next city over. By the time we got back it was 11:00 at night ...and the power was back on...... talk about ironic.....

Today....

2005-05-09T13:21:00.000-04:00

Today is my Mother's Day..It's a beyootifull (not just ordinary beautiful but beyootifull!!!) day out, and I was woken up by Nate with a dozen red roses, and a whole day planned! You'll hear from me later about it, so have a great day and check back for details..... ;) !!

Mother's Day....

2005-05-08T18:23:00.000-04:00

I'm not celebrating Mother's Day today, tommorow when my hubby has a day off he will take me to my favorite yummy resturant Carrabba's, to celebrate. Which is good because today all I can seem to do is throw up and watch Trading Spaces reruns on TLC. Guess this is my Mother's Day gift from baby#2!!!

Nobody told me...

2005-05-07T01:39:00.000-04:00

...that the terrible two's actually started at a year and a half. I thought I had 6 more months to to prepare for the crying,screaming,hitting, and the tantrums a two year old throws. Let's not forget the wonderful No!'s to every little last thing. If she starts now does that mean she ends this stage early??? One can only hope......

Puttin it out there

2005-05-04T15:12:00.000-04:00

*Authors note: This is a guest post from my friend Sarah. She's a twenty year old college kid who's going through a relationship problem and could use the advice of people who have been through it. So feel free to email me or comment as much as you like*

Um.....I don't really know what to write. Lisa's making me do this. Ok well I could use some advice on a situation though. I have a boyfriend who's a really great guy but like I'm so not happy. It's really weird but like sometimes I feel like I really like him but then other times I feel kinda indifferent. It's like I don't know if I feel that attracted to him. Is this normal? It' been like 10 months. I wonder if my age has something to do with it. I'll be 20 in September, he'll be 22 in August. It's not really like that for him, instead he feels like he really loves me and wants to be with me and it hurts him that I feel this way. He feels like he failed b/c of how I feel. It's hard b/c when I think about him I see what a great guy he is and how hard he tries for me but yet I feel so emotionally drained from this relationship. (hehe Kaia's shaking her head no at the vacuum:~p) It's really taken it's toll on me too. Now I see a counselor and am simply not as happy as I used to be. I don't feel the freedom with life that I used to. Last year everybody knew me as somebody who enjoyed life so much, now it's totally different. There are other things in my life that changed too that I don't think helped this situation, however I think this is the primary problem. I'm constantly plagued by this decision about whether or not we should break up and the hardest thing is that he's willing to go through whatever it takes to be with me!!! I feel like there is so much more work in our relationship then happiness. It's like I totally want to be romanced and flirted with and have fun. I want the challenge of a relationship but not when it's unnecessarily hard and draining. Things are always misinterpreted and over analyzed. They're not really taken lightly when they should be (this is totally not only his fault). It just winds up making me feel hindered. I just don't feel the freedom that I should. It would also be hard to break up with him b/c we have so many of the same friends and we're both Christian so we're both involved with a lot of the same things on our campus. It would be so hard to see him especially if he moved on and found another gf. Is it possible to fix this? I need help!!! He and I have gotten so close in a lot of ways and I don't wanna lose that. He's so strong and balanced sometimes and it can bring logic to my emotions. I don't know what to do. Somebody please tell me!! How could have this great and devoted guy and then be so unhappy? One quick side statement......Lisa's starting to show!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe I can't wait!! And Kai is so cute!!!!

It's so frustrating...

2005-04-30T17:44:00.000-04:00

....when your in a bitchy mood because your pregnant and everything is annoying you, and you know it's just the hormones but it still doesn't stop you from being bitchy...kinda a catch-22.

I feel bad for Nate...

2005-04-28T23:11:00.000-04:00

Nate has always tried to tell me good things about his dad and it's not that he is a bad guy but they just aren't as close as Nate wishes they could be. I think it's always been like this. I noticed this the most the other day when Nate got off the phone with him, he just seemed disappointed but he kept saying he was fine. My dad lives in Mass. but him and I are closer and talk more than Nate and his dad. My dad makes sure everything is covered when we talk. "How's life, how's the baby, how's your marriage, how's Nate's work?" etc. We've seen my dad just as many times as we've seen Nate's and Nate's dad lives twenty minutes away. I've tried talking to Nate about this because when we got our first place, Nate was 17, and said nothing but great things about his dad. Over time though, he started to say more stuff about his past and his dad, how he has three memories of his dad at his youngest remembered age. They are getting a Nintendo, reading the newspaper one morning, and then his dad walking out after his parents screamed at each other for what seemed to be hours, Nate could only have been 3 or 4 and he remembered that moment so clearly. I know there has been good points, don't get me wrong, but I get the feeling that Nate and his dad have always just been out of reach of that connection a father and son should have. Right before Kaia was born about a year and a half ago, Nate and his dad got into a horrible fight at our apartment that ended in his dad grabbing him and backing him up against the wall on the couch after Nate screamed at him and then Nate punching him. Nate fell to his knees, he looked like everything he had ever worked for, or done, good or bad, everything that made his existence just fell apart. He looked at me a couple days later crying and said "I punched my own dad." Is there anyone out there that isn't close to a parent? Anyone that might be able to help me help Nate? At this point he just wants something to be there before it's too late but in the end he is scared and almost mad at his dad still for everything in the past to bring it up himself and I don't know what to say anymore to encourage him. If you ask Nate's dad or stepmom they'll say that his dad was always there through thick and thin for him and his sister, if you ask his mom she'll say he was and is a no good, lack of child support, loser. If you ask Nate and his sister, they'll tell you they remember there dad as the dad they went and saw every other weekend to go to up to Applebees with Uncle John. Nate's dad has done good things that I know for sure, like let Nate live with him and his wife and her two kids for a couple of months when he got into a big fight at his moms house. And every time there was a fight, Nate called his dad. But beyond that, there wasn't much of anything it seems. Just a couple of uncomfortable handshakes and hellos and lots of trying with no foward pace. So once again I ask, is there anyone here who isn't or wasn't close to a parent? How do you feel? Or howdid you feel? What stopped or started it? What made it better or worse? I know Nate feels that the older he gets the more distant him and his dad will be. I'd like to help stop this before it gets any worse.

2005-04-28T16:53:00.000-04:00

Like the new look? Thanks to Kristine the amazing blogging goddess who made it look so much better!

2005-04-27T20:16:00.000-04:00

So I haven't posted in awhile, I haven't been slacking off my posting duties, I've just been in the hospital with Kaia for four days. She's sick again. She never really got better after the first time but this time it was much worse. I have never been vomited on or pooped on more in my life. She couldn't keep even jello down. So she got dehydrated and needed to be admitted for Iv fluids. It took two days to get her to eat. She's lost a lot of weight. But we're home now and I'll write more later. We've been home for a day or so but I haven't had time to write. Hopefully we'll all start getting better from here on out.

Venting.....

2005-04-21T14:30:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted much lately. Kaia's been pretty sick. She got over the rotovirus that sent her to the hospital. This week she has developed a new virus and had to go to the ER again for a fever of 105.2. Many tests were done to rule out causes for this high fever no ear infections, no UTI, nothing basically she has another nasty virus and we just have to wait it out. Well I'm pretty sick of waiting it out. Kaia woke up vomiting for the first time in her life today. Since this morning she has vomited 6 more times. We're going to take her to the doctor to see if there's anything he can do. She is miserable and cannot keep down anything. I for one know that I am at my wits end with these viruses and cold and ear infections. It seems like every week it's something new and I want her to just be better!!!! I hate seeing my bright beautiful girl laying on the couch doing nothing because she's so sick. I'm off to the pediatrician, I'll write more later.

2005-04-16T22:40:00.000-04:00

Doesn't she look tired in this photo? Ever since easter and the season's changing she hasn't been sleeping as well, poor baby!

2005-04-15T03:38:00.000-04:00

*Warning* I'd prefer if Nate's family didn't read this post, I was very upset about some things that happened the other day and while I didn't say anything mean or upsetting about anyone person in particular I did have to mention some people in order to tell my story of what upset me. You may not like it but this is my blog and I gave you fair warning if you read it and it upsets you; you do so at your own risk.

I want to ask the few people who read this blog about proper pregnacy etiquette. Yesterday N and I went out to his mother's house to do some work on the brakes of the car, and to visit. N's Mother lives about 45 minutes away from us in a rural area. When we got there only his stepfather and sister were there. It was pretty boring to be honest but I made the best of it while N and his stepfather worked on the car. I took Kaia for long walks around the house in their big woodsy yard. Stopped her from picking up things and eating them. Changed her diaper. Made her some food. Repeated the walk. Needless to say she got bored pretty quickly. So we went in. Now let me explain what N's mother's house is like. It's dirty. Sure it's picked up but there is an inch layer of dust on everything. There was a big bucket of ashes by the fireplace, in place where little hands could get them. The kitchen was a mess, food on the stove that has been there for days (and smelled pretty bad too). The kitchen floor looked like it hadn't been washed in months. Long story short it was dirty, it was germy and disgusting there was a layer of dog hair all over everything. (Kaia was scared of the dog.) The house was freezing cold because it was a really chilly day out by where they lived and there was no heat on. Normally none of this would be a big problem, but since I have gotten pregnant smells, tend to bother me greatly. The whole basic smell of the house made me very nauseous, but it wasn't' too bad until N's stepfather built a great big fire in the fireplace and filled the whole house with a smell of wood burning. Pre-pregnacy this smell only gave me a mild headache. Yesterday it gave me a near migraine headache and made me so sick to my stomach that I was afraid to talk or move because I might vomit (what's the nice way of saying this? barf,throw-up, puke didn't seem very appropriate) .
Then to top it off N's stepfather decided to make dinner that had the smell of ground meat and onions frying.(I cannot stand the smell) I tried to tell N as discreetly as possible that I really wanted to be at home because I wasn't feeling well. He blew it off and refused to leave. I tried to deal with it as best as I could but eventually had to go out to the car for some fresh air. N came out mad and said I was being rude and it led to an argument. (In front of his stepfather,too) I was upset because I felt that he wasn't respecting the fact that I was sick, and wanted to go home. He felt that I wasn't trying hard enough to put that aside for him so he could see his family. We eventually talked through this and made up, but that wasn't until later when were at home. But back t his mother's house, we went inside and proceeded to ignore each other and I sat and watched T.V while Kaia played.(Trust me there was nothing else to do) All the while all these smells are bothering me and I'm starting to feel sicker and sicker by the minute. N's mother comes home and asks me in a pretty rude way what would I be doing at home that I couldn't d o there. I told her that it was just a basic comfort thing that I wasn't feeling well, was therefore in a bad mood because of it and there were certain smells bothering me that I'd like to get away from. She then rolled her eyes and walked away.I felt very out of place when she did this.To me it seemed uncalled for to have her approach me in an agressive manner and ask me this question. I also thought it was rude of her to roll her eyes and walk away. What should I have said internet? What should I have done? I eventually ended up going into the bathroom and crying until N finally agreed to leave. By that time it was almost 8 in the evening and I had been sick all day and was frustrated and just wanted to be home. N apologized later and said he didn't realize how sick I was but what is bothering me is his family's attitude the entire time. They treated me like I was the one in the wrong and like I was being unreasonable. Because of these attitudes, I'm asking the internet for their opinions, I need to know was I out of line for wanting to leave? Should I have not said anything at all? What is the proper etiquette for this when you are pregnant and smells bother you greatly? I need some advice on this so please let me know!!!

Hospital

2005-04-09T02:14:00.000-04:00

This was quite possibly one of the worst weeks of my life. For the first time my daughter was sick enough to have to go to the hospital and it was terrifying for the both of us. On a scale of one to ten of illness hers barely ranked a three but it was the fact that things had to be done and IV's had to be inserted that terrified her and caused her pain and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
Late last Monday night I noticed that Kaia was acting more crabby and tired then usual and I put her to bed a half hour early. Tuesday morning she woke up screaming and crying at six a.m. with a horrible case of diarrhea and one of the worst rashes I have seen her have. It took forever to calm her down. The wiping hurt her butt so bad because it was so sore and red that N had to help my and hold her down while I changed her. She finally went back to sleep until about eight thirty that morning when she woke up the exact same way. She was having horrible diapers and needed to be changed almost every twenty minutes each diaper had very little pee and tons of poop . I called the doctor and got her in for an early appointment at around elevenish. The doctor diagnosed her with rotovirus. And prescribed Pedialyte to keep her hydrated and told us to watch her closely and get her to drink as much as possible.

Easier said then done.

Kai was not having any of it she hated the pedialyte even when mixed with ginger ale, juice and etc. She wouldn't take plain water and wouldn't eat. All day we tried to get her to eat or drink we only got her to eat two cups of jello and that was it. By about ten-thirty that night she hadn't urinated since early that morning and when she cried no tears came out. We called my stepmother who is an RN and were told to take her to the ER.We then called our insurance companies 24 hr nurse hotline and see what they thought, they also said to take her in. So we did. We were there all night still changing diaper after diaper and all the while she was refusing to drink or eat. She was even turning down formula in her favorite bottle. We finally were seen at about two thirty in the morning and an hour later they started an IV. Getting it in was horrible. It took two nurses and N to hold Kaia down and all the while she was screaming and crying Mama over and over. In order to keep the IV from coming out they had to strap her arm to a board so it would stay straight. She couldn't bend her arm and she hated it. Finally worn out from all the crying ( all the while she was so dehydrated no tears came out) I laid down on the bed and she fell asleep on top of me. We stayed like that for about two hours. N had to go home because he needed to be at work at ten a.m that morning. So it was just be and Kai at some point I drifted off as well and we woke up to the nurse telling me that her IV came out and I looked down and there was blood all over my shirt and the bed. It was mixed with the IV fluid so it looked worse then it was but it was still not a great way to wake up. They admitted Kaia and we were taken upstairs to the pede's unit and they had to do yet another IV. By this time is was almost seven and I was exhausted and so was Kai having gotten only two hours of sleep. (Me even less) So this IV was worse then the first one. Finally it was over and we were taken to her room where she cried for almost an hour. I finally rocked her to sleep but nurses kept coming in and waking her up for various reasons every fifteen minutes. My mother came and I finally was able to give Kaia to her so I could sleep for an hour or so. My mother was great she rocked with Kaia for two hours straight in a rocking chair(Thanks Mom!) while I tried to get some sleep too. But they admitted another baby with rotovirus and he was in the same room as us and he cried and cried for longer then Kai did. Amazingly(is this a word??) Kaia slept through it. I however did not. Finally I went and got some lunch when i came back Kaia did seem to be doing better and my mom left the two of us to play together. Things went really well for an hour or so. I got Kaia to eat some jello (she wouldn't touch the lemon jello! had to be the cherry!!) and drink a small bottle of formula mixed with pedialyte (really small only 4 ounces, I haven't made a bottle that small since she was born!). N's Grandmother (Kaias Great-Grandma!) came to see her and she walked in just as Kaia had a huge meltdown. She was crying and screaming for at least fifteen minutes for no apparent reason, I changed her diaper, held her rocked her, offered the bottle, tried to let her walk for a minute nothing was working. Finally the nurse comes in and checks her IV, it was infiltrated or something. Meaning basically it had slipped out of her vein but was still in her arm and her arm was swelling up! By the time the nurse figured it out it was three times her normal size. I felt horrible for not noticing. Her arm had been wrapped with tape and gauze and cotton to prevent the IV from moving (all that crap on her arm apparently didn't work) so I could barely see her skin. Even still I still feel like the world's worst mother! They decided to just leave the IV out and see how she did over the next few hours. And thankfully she started taking more bottles mixed with pedialyte and ate another bowl of jello. By the evening she was up and around and more cheerful. Still very very tired but cheerful nonetheless. At around eight thirty that night they decided to let her go home and we were able to leave. I was incredibly nervous. I definitely didn't want to wind up bringing her back but I sucked it up and did it. We went home and she promptly fell asleep all snuggled in her bed.(Being paranoid Mommy that is me I stayed up to sanitize all her toys and the apartment, thanks goodness for Lysol or else I'd have been up even later, it says right on eh back of the can that it kills the rotovirus germs!!!) She slept until twelve thirty the next day only waking up once to have a diaper change and another bottle with pedialyte. (Lots of pee in her diaper!) She was up for an hour and half and then went back down for a two hour nap. Woke up had some dinner of jello and pedialyte pops and went back to sleep. (Poor baby was so tired she fell asleep on the floor under her favorite blankie while I was doing the dishes, I didn't put her there she decided to lay down and go to sleep!)

Some people might not think that this is a very stressful week but for me it was. I realize kids go to the hospital for worse things everyday, but for me this was as stressful as it gets. It was Kaias first time being admitted to the hospital and seeing her in pain and that sick really was hard to watch. Being her mommy you want to do anything you can to make her better and when you can't it's the world's worst feeling. Add absolutely no sleep in two days, little food, and being pregnant, you have one very stressful week. I am still catching up on my sleep and getting back to a normal schedule. Kaia however is thankfully slowly getting better. We saw her pediatrician this morning and he gave the ok for her to start eating light things like toast and noodles, no fruits or sugars or dairy just yet. We also have to limit the acidic vegetables(tomatoes,etc), so she's a little out of sorts until she can get back to her regular diet.
If this post seems a little muddled and confusing I apologize like I said I am just getting back to normal sleep and schedules and I am not really able to be very articulate right now. But hopefully more cheerful things will be coming soon!

Update

2005-04-07T18:53:00.000-04:00

Wow, okay busy ,horrible exhausting week has been had. Spent two days in hospital with Kaia. I'll write more tonight when I have a chance.

I'm back!

2005-04-03T17:00:00.000-04:00

**Warning jumbled mess of random thoughts and things I did this week ahead***

Blogger is finally allowing me to sign back in so no more short little posts through hello!

It's been a pretty busy week for me. Kaia has been "talking" a mile a minute, apparently she doesn't come with an off switch so late into the night I can hear her babbling in her crib to her stuffed animals. Twice she was up until almost 1 a.m just talking. She then sleeps in until 10-10:30. Which has been fine with me as I prefer to sleep in but it throws off her whole schedule so it has been hard getting her back into a routine. I have no idea why she has been staying up so late. She seems fine and isn't fussing so maybe she just doesn't need as much sleep?

In other news I don't know if I've mentioned this to the internet before but I wear a Cochlear Implant* specifically the ESprit 22 at on this page..http://cochlearamericas.com/Storefront/ I also have the Sprint but rely on my good ol' 22 for the most part. (With the implant I hear about 705 out of my ear) I was always deaf in my right ear, but in the summer of 1998 I went deaf one night in my left ear. They never knew why I was born deaf in my right and don't really have a clear idea of why I lost the hearing in my left. I never fully considered myself a deaf person I always had hearing and had a hearing family and always could read lips to make up for what I misheard( I did this so well they didn't know I was deaf in my right ear until I was 4). So being a teenager and losing all your hearing can be pretty devastating. I bet your wondering why I'm telling you all this. Well the last time I went to my audiologist to check on my implant was in 2000. So I figured I should go in for a check up. My appointment was last Thursday. So I go there I see my audiologist who informs me that my implant is no longer made and the parts are getting harder and harder to obtain because it was obsolete last December. So they are going to be upgrading me to this implant http://cochlearamericas.com/Products/261.asp or this one http://cochlearamericas.com/Products/333.asp. I prefer the first one because it has many more features and is water resistant. As if that wasn't enough good news, I also find out that now do implants in the second ear. In 2000 as far as I knew they didn't do second implants in the other ear and most likely wouldn't anytime soon. They reserved the second ear for future advancements. So I never thought about having hearing in my right ear. Ever. So imagine my surprise when I was told that I could and that my audiologist actually recommended it. I'm still in a weird state of shock. At the earliest I'd be able to get the second implant at the beginning of next year. It requires surgery and general anathesia(sp?) so I can't do it while I'm preggers. But it is a lot to think about. I feel like I've been handed an amazing surprise that I never ever thought I'd get in a million years. So that was a pretty big event this week.

I also got my first ultrasound of the baby. On Thursday I was 8 weeks and 5 days. As of posting I am officially 9 weeks. Farther along then I thought. I'd post pics but I don't have the cable I need to hook up my printer/scanner yet. Besides it's just a little itty bitty blob right now. At the next ultrasound we will be able to tell what it is. So Internet I need baby name ideas. The way we found Kaia's name was totally random and N's idea. So help! Name suggestions would be great! I apologize for the unorganization and jumbledness of this post, I have so many thoughts in my head right now it's hard to write I'll write more later about some of it.

* A Cochlear Implant is as best as I can explain it an external processor that relays digital sounds to a computer chip implanted in my head and converts into energy that sends it to a wire(it's not actually a wire but you get the idea) in my cochlea. Those signals and electrical energy are bypassing my nerves and sending it to the brain and the brain processes it as sound. What I hear is exactly what I used to hear before I lost my hearing so it's not different in anyway....amazing the things they think of huh?? For a more technical explanation go here and download one of the flash programs http://cochlearamericas.com/Experience/13.asp*

2005-03-30T16:46:00.000-05:00

This is Kaia on Easter Sunday, as you can tell she was not at all happy about her wardrobe. We had to go visit two different sidesof the family on different sides of town. She was exhausted. I apologize for all the picture posts but for some reason the page I need to log in will not load, but apparently I can post through Hello!!! In the next few days I will either be switching site's or blogger will hopefully let me on!

2005-03-29T00:01:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the delay in a post, blogger hasn't let me log on in days. Hopefulyl all wil be well after this post!!!

Conversation

2005-03-24T11:10:00.000-05:00

N: This is why I get up in the morning
Me: Oh does that mean YOUR going to start waking up with her at the crack of dawn??

2005-03-22T12:17:00.000-05:00

Isn't this the cutest face ever? This is also the face of the child that broke Mommy's computer and it was broke for THREE days. But we're back and new posts will be coming soon.

Reminiscing Pt 2 quite possibly just as long as part one.

2005-03-15T07:01:00.000-05:00

Where'd I leave off? Gushing..ok now I remember. So my mom came down stairs and we were off to the hospital, where I felt the need to apologize 35 times for gushing all over the wheelchair. (Well it was gross would you want to be the one to clean that??) Up at the maternity ward I lucked out and get the best room on the floor because there is only two other women there that night. So not only did I get the biggest suite(yes ,suite!) with the private bathroom I got endless cable and a couch that pulled out into a bed for N. To sleep on. The nursing staff was great I loved them. They immediately got blankets and extra pillows(actual blankets not just a thick sheet! Imagine that!) . Once I was settled in they put a little strip in my underwear to test if my water actually broke (what the hell did they think all that water was??Pee?) So obviously the test turned whatever color it was supposed to be and yes my water had actually broken! The whole hospital came in (well it felt like..) to check and see where the baby was at and apparently I was at minus two. Which was good. The fetal heart monitor was strapped to my belly, and I was told to get some rest until I felt some actual contractions and the midwife would be in the next morning. Of course I didn't sleep, who could sleep, I don't know about anyone else and how they would be in that situation but I was way to excited to sleep. My baby was coming out! 6 weeks early! Actually I do know what other people could do. N passed out on the couch and slept like a baby, until the next morning. Finally the midwife came in at about 7a.m (I'd been there since about 1:00a.m) and decided we needed to do an ultrasound because when she examined me she didn't feel anything. My cervix wasn't even dilated. In the ultrasound we discovered that the little peanut was up under my rib and upside down. Meaning that the little bangs were not her foot pushing on me anxious to get out as I'd assumed but her big ol' head. My lovely midwife (we'll call her...Tegan, which is in no way close to her actual name but I'm not that creative). So anyway Tegan went to consult with the big chief midwife on what to do. N, surprise surprise went back to sleep. At about 9:45a.m that morning N went to the bathroom just as Tegan and the Big Chief came back and discussed our different options to either wait another few hours and see if the baby comes back down (not advised because infection without amniotic fluid and whatnot) or we could go ahead and have a cesarean and just have it over with. I went with Option B. A few minutes later N came out of the bathroom and informed that he was going to have a baby within the next few minutes and handed scrubs. Then they wheeled me out of the room. Poor N was so confused! They wheeled me down the hall to a freezing,cold room. Where the anathesiologist came in and had me sit up to give me the spinal. I have a huge fear of needles so when they informed me they wanted to put a needle in my spine and I hat to sit still throughout the whole process I actually considered calling the whole thing off. But I did it. They laid me back down strapped my arms out at my sides,(not fun, why do they do that?!) and asked me if I was feeling anything, I assume they were sticking me with a needle or something but I couldn't see because of the big screen they put up. N came in and the surgery started. I hadn't realized the surgery had started until a few minutes into it when I asked if they had and they laughed and said they were getting ready to pull the baby out. According to N (who watched the whole thing) he saw her butt first, then they pulled out her little legs, and her body. Which hurt when it wasn't supposed to because they were pushing on me, which is the worst pressure ever.

But then they got to the head and there was a problem. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, not once but twice. Those were the scariest minutes of my life suddenly everyone seemed to be moving around. I asked if she was ok and if they got her out and all N said was yes. My next thought was why isn't she crying? N later told me they had to bag her once or twice to get her breathing. But I didn't know that all I knew at that moment was that my baby wasn't crying like she should be. I started praying like I never have in my life, and what seemed like hours later, but was actually seconds I heard the best sound of my life. My little Kaia let out her first scream. And boy was she pissed. So at 10:40 a.m on November 8, 2003. My little punkin butt made her entrance into the world and scared the crap out of her parents in the process. Once she started crying the tension in the room lifted and everyone's mood's got lighter. N went over and took pictures and was allowed to hold her for the first time. Being a preemie I expected her to have some health problems but she was fine, absolutely perfect. Except for the fact that she was small. Only 4lbs 8oz, 17 inches long. When they were finally done with me they started to wheel me out and handed me Kaia for the first time. I started crying, never was something more beautiful to me. I was wheeled back into my suite and Kaia was greeted by her grandparents. Many people were called, the one thing that meant the most to me though was, the fact that my older brother who was at work that day left work went to my mother's house and brought the rest of my entire family to see the baby. I think besides my mother , N, and myself he was the most excited person in the room. I was exhausted, the nurses had to take the baby to run some tests and get her bracelet on her and she was gone for about 2 hours. By the time she got back about 12 people were in the room. Ranging from grandparents, too aunts and,uncles, and friends. I was so glad my wonderful peanut had such a great welcome into the world. At least I was for about an hour then I was ready to send everyone home.
They all finally left and it was just me and my little peanut. I stayed in the hospital for 5 wonderful days where I was able to hand the baby to the nurses and sleep!,. This is the last time that would happen for about 4 months..... But I'm sure you figured out that we survived and made it all the way up to 16 months!

Reminiscing Pt 1 also known as the longest post ever or as Kaia's birth story

2005-03-12T04:49:00.000-05:00

Being pregnant with my second child has made me remember events and feelings I had when I was pregnant with my first-Kaia. I am constantly comparing the two pregnacy's and analyzing the differences, and wondering what the birth of this one will be like. So naturally I think a lot about what Kaia's birth was like. Kaias birth was not a normal birth. Too be honest when I was pregnant with her, I never really sat down and thought about what it would be like to give birth to a baby. On some level I just thought it would be like any other normal birth, yes there would be some pain, but nice drugs would take care of that! I never imagined that it would be any different so I didn't worry about it too much. Oh sure I'd heard all the stories of what could go wrong and how painful it was but like I said, I planned on many good drugs to help me through that and as for anything going wrong, chalk it up to my being young and naive or whatever you want but I was under the mistaken impression that it just wouldn't happen to me. Now before you assume I'm about to tell a life changing story of my near death experience giving birth or my daughter's(there wasn't and I hope never will be a near death experience for either one of us) thankfully nothing dramatic like that happened. It just wasn't what I expected it to be at all, therefore it wasn't normal to me!

Kaia's birth started I guess you could say when I was about 32 weeks, when I had my first contraction. N and I were at our soon to be former apartment when I felt it. We were moving out and our phone was already turned off so N ran downstairs and used the neighbors phone. And I had the second ambulance ride of my life. I don't think I was ever more scared in my life. I was brought up to the comfy maternity ward and given a room, N. had to go home and sleep for work the next morning, so my Mom stayed the night with me in the hospital(it still amazes me when your in pain no matter how old you are you still want your mother!) . The next morning they had stopped the contractions and I was ordered to go back home and stay on bedrest for at least a week. So I did that. After the week (almost to the day) I was back(I stayed at my mothers house for my bedrest) at N and I's soon to be former apartment when contractions started again! This time we just called my mother who lived on the other side of town to come and get me. We went to the ER, and brought to an observation room ,where yet again the fetal monitor with it's cold ass jelly were placed on my belly to watch our little peanuts heart rate. The observation room was freezing cold and all I had was a flimsy night gown, and an even flimsier blanket. Finally after hours of waiting and discussion they brought me up to the maternity ward, with the nice blankets and actual heat in the rooms. My contractions had stopped for a short while, until around 11 when they started to get pretty bad. and there were actual noticeable big spikes almost all the way up,at this point I was pretty scared and actually attempted to order the peanut to stay in there. (She listened-sort of) . Two drugs were tried I broke through the first one, (don't remember the names at all, I was too tired to care it was very late and I hadn't slept and I was in pain! I just wanted the contractions to stop). The second drug worked, and I was finally able to relax and sleep. Throughout the night the nurses monitored me and I woke up to two of them telling me I was still contracting though not nearly as bad. My wonderful Midwives(Love,loved these women amazing all of them and if I ever move out of state they are coming with me because they are that good) came in and recommended I stay another night to have steroid shots administered every8 (or was it 12?) hours to speed up the baby's lung growth because at this point they were pretty sure I wasn't going to make it to full term. (Great just what every pregnant woman wants to hear). So I spent another day and night on the maternity ward and was finally sent home to be on bedrest and to take a pill every four hours to control the contraction's was ordered to take the pills until I reached thirty four weeks and after that the baby could be born safely.

So I did and I think it was possibly the most boring week of my life.(You try being on bedrest only allowed out to pee.) The night before I hit the 34 week mark I was extremely tired and was already in bed when I was supposed to take my last dose . N was playing video games and I was tired and fell asleep. (N was going to bring me the last dose after he finished up) I was sort of in and out of sleep and all the sudden my leg twitched . I had no clue why,(unfortunately I kicked poor N at the end of the bed when this happened, but of course he didn't notice) so I chalked it up to a strange dream I wasn't remembering. I had the sudden urge to pee so I walked upstairs to the bathroom, when I got there I noticed a strange wetness, and thought I'd peed in my sleep or something, but nope is was all clear. Naturally I freaked and ran straight for -you guessed it my mom. (We were still staying with my parents). My poor parents! I ran in there like bat out of hell and started un-piling pillows off of my mother's head(the woman sleeps with like 6 pillows on her head, I still don't understand how she breathes). She sat up and and tried to understand my incoherent babbling about the pee that wasn't pee and that was still falling out, and how the heck did I stop it. She blinked and calmly said Well, are you ready to have a baby? At that point I stared and just said Well Ok.(Keep in mind this is like 12:00a.m and my first kid-coherent I was not) Being the take charge kind of Mom she is she called the midwife to tell them we were coming in and sent me to tell N, who all this time was still downstairs playing video games and totally oblivious to the fact that I'd been freaking out yelling mom and running to get her ( I should also mention that throughout all this my stepfather who had also been asleep when I ran into the room had given me a hug and fallen back asleep like nothing had happened, *insert eye roll here*) . So after shoving a pad in my underwear and walking downstairs I stood off to the side of the T.V and told N. my water broke, he mumbled something like your water broke? and went on with his game. After a second something finally clicked and he immediately stood up and asked what that meant. I told him well, we're going to have a baby. He stared at me for a minute like I was speaking Japanese, and then immediately called everyone he knew while we waited for my mother to come down and go with us. Meanwhile I sat in a chair and gushed,(there's no other way to describe it).

I'll leave the actual birth and etc, for the next post. this one is already huge and probably will make your butt hurt having to sit long enough to read it.

2005-03-10T11:24:00.000-05:00

Sunset view from my apartment...another post coming later today...check back!

Week 5..I think...or is it 6??

2005-03-07T16:05:00.000-05:00

Is this a bump?? Or is this just a big lunch?? Or maybe do I just really really want to be showing?? I promise I am not sticking out my stomach....

It's so frustrating...

2005-03-06T05:17:00.000-05:00

...when you start to pick up your messy living room before you go to bed so it'd at least be tidy when your child gets up in the morning, and you sit down to watch something real quick on T.V. and wake up two and half hours later, freezing to death and half of the couch!! And it's now two in the morning and it's still not straightened up!

It's also so frustrating when you know you are pregnant and the hormones have kicked into high gear when you go to get the last little cup of vanilla pudding from the fridge anticipating the lovely taste and smoothness of it, only to discover your husband has eaten it, and you start crying because you are so mad.

This is going to be a long 8 months.

Disclaimer....

2005-03-06T02:08:00.000-05:00

In case you can't tell from my previous posts, big things have been happening in my life lately. Last week I turned 21. This week it is confirmed that my family will have another little member. I will be the mother of two children, not just one, TWO!! It's an amazing feeling. It's hard sorting through how I feel about all this. Which is why I haven't posted much lately. On top of all this my husband and I decided to tell my family and his (Hi,Guys!) that I was pregnant again via this blog. We simply gave them the web address and waited to see what their reactions to the picture would be. They were all very excited and reacted wonderfully. (Thankfully, I wasn't quite expecting that!) I realized after the fact that once I gave them the address, they could come back, and continue reading everything I write. When I started this journal, I intended this to be somewhat private from certain people, because I knew I would be using it as my sounding board, a place to grow and to vent about my feelings and to hopefully make some friends along the way. The people I am talking about might not like some of the things I have to say because it may concern them at one time or another when I vent and also I wonder if I'm fully ready to allow these people to really see my thought process. Now that the cat's out of the bag so to speak, I'm just going to have to suck it up and go with it. I will try my hardest to be careful of what I say concerning members of my husbands family and mine but if I should slip up and inadvertently hurt someone I apologize in advance. There are consequences to everyone's actions and I guess I'm saying that this is my blog and while I will be as respectful as I can, I will take the repercussions of anything I say that will hurts someone. I have written a few other posts and I will post them later on. But I feel I need to say this first. I guess you could sort of call this my disclaimer to any family who reads this!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen...

2005-03-03T20:35:00.000-05:00

One pumpkin butt is good but two is better....

2005-03-01T00:13:00.000-05:00

Big post coming soon! I've had a hectic weekend dealing with my poor little Kaia. Friday night she had a fever of 102.5 and has been sick all weekend. In between doctor visits and the frequent meltdowns and crying all night and her wanting to be held only by Mama, I've managed to write out a half post about my birthday and several billion other random things, it'll be finished soon!!! Stay tuned!

2005-02-25T21:50:00.000-05:00

Tony, Nancy and my adorable little punkin butt (yes I call her a punkin butt!!), last night at my bday dinner.
That's my lil sis Ashley in the background.

2005-02-25T21:46:00.000-05:00

Me,Nate, My brothers girlfriend Nancy, and my brother Tony at the Outback last night for my birthday dinner.

21

2005-02-23T11:44:00.000-05:00

Today I am 21!

**Thanks Honey for giving me my favorite breakfast in bed!!**
*Thanks Sarah for getting me the super cute outfit and giving me my first official birthday present this year!!!*

I'm not tired!!

2005-02-22T00:33:00.000-05:00

I'm too tired to write anything tonight, I'm sick and crabby so I'll leave you with this grainy pic of Kaia at three o'clock in the morning refusing to go to bed. This was taken weeks ago but I love the look on her face! It amazes me at how stubborn kids can be sometimes, we ended up just letting her play by herself in her crib until she fell asleep.Which was finally about 4 a.m I think.

Mamamamamama

2005-02-19T18:53:00.000-05:00

She called me Mama.
For the first time. Ever. She looked right at me and said it.

Oh my god. I am a Mama!!!

Blog-Block

2005-02-19T14:27:00.000-05:00

I have writers block. Well, that's not entirely accurate since the only place I truly write anything is here on this blog, so I guess you could say I have blog-block. A few days ago I promised a big long post the next day. But found myself putting it off for one reason or another. It wasn't until this morning when I sat down at this computer and checked my site and thought about why I've been putting it off. It's not that I don't want to write it's that I can't. Which is not a good thing. So I'm going to try to put down some of the things that have been going through my head and causing this block.

I think one of the major reasons, why I have not written is that N. and I are waiting for some news that we really, really want to hear that could change our entire family's lives, and is also something we really, really want( One really isn't enough to emphasize how much we really really want this!LOL.) . So I spend most of my time trying not to think about the what if's on this subject or hoping that it'll come through. And that takes up a lot of space in my head. I don't want to write about this subject on my blog just yet, mostly because family members read this site, and while I love you guys I'm not ready to say anything just yet. So when I sit down to write all that comes out are my hopes and fears on this subject and as I said I'm not ready to tell everyone just yet. A few of you know what I'm talking about and are anxiously crossing your fingers and hoping with me, but as for the ones who are reading this and have no clue what I'm talking about,I'm very sorry and hopefully this will make some sort of sense to you,later on.

Tomorrow I'm going to breakfast with my brother and his new girlfriend, this may not sound like anything to cause someone to analyze and think about, but for me it does. I don't remember a whole lot of my childhood, but what I do remember is that growing up my brother and I used to fight a lot. It seems like that's all we did. Throughout my high school years we had the occasional fight but for the most part we ignored each other. He was the popular guy in high school who everyone knew. I was the exact opposite of that, no one knew me,I was the awkward shy person. The epitome of the word dork. So for me getting to know him and relating to him was very hard. After high school we took very different paths in life, I moved out got married and had a baby, and we never really talked or had much to do with each other. I'm not saying that we were so distant that he wasn't there for me as the protective big brother when I needed him to be, but other than those few times, we never really talked. But then I had my daughter, and Tony(my brother) loves her more than I've ever seen him express anything for anyone. He'll play with her, he'll make baby sounds, he'll laugh and he'll be amazed at the things she does. He'd do anything for this baby. The day she was born he was so excited he left work early and couldn't wait to hold her. I saw a whole side to him I didn't even know that was there.Because of Kaia we've finally started the adult phase of our relationship. We're getting to know each other. Talking is easier now. We actually make plans to go out and do things. This is all very strange new territory for me and has been on my mind lately.

Some other reasons why I have not written have to do with the ordinary everyday things. N. has bronchitis so bad the doctor ordered him to stay home and not step out of the house for three days. Kaia has two ear infections and another tooth is coming in. So dealing with these two when they are sick is like, taking care of two very cranky babies!(Sorry Honey, but you know this is true!!) there have been doctor's appointments back to back practically for the past week. N. has two medications I have to make him take. Kaia has one that you have to hold her down and make her take. This isn't fun. Liquid usually ends up everywhere. But it's finally the end of a very long week. I wonder what next week will bring?

Insomnia??

2005-02-17T03:54:00.000-05:00

It's 4a.m, I can't sleep, I think I may have insomnia this has been going on for months. I was bored so I washed the kitchen floor( I know, I know, most people would just be watching late night t.v, but you can only watch so much Nick at Nite...).
Does anyone who actually reads this site, have insomnia or know anyone who does? And what are the symptoms? For me I just stay up really really late and then sleep for four or five hours and get up the next day all fresh and fine....I don't actually know if this is actual insomnia or the effects of way too much caffeine ,lol...

I promise a big long post tomorrow! Too much has been on my mind lately to sort out and put it in too words but I think I'll be able to write about all of it tomorrow....

More Pics..

2005-02-15T23:12:00.000-05:00

Kaia and Uncle Tony!!

This is my older brother, and my daughter. I'll write more later.....Big post coming so keep checking back!!!

It's so frustrating...

2005-02-13T01:48:00.000-05:00

....when you realize it's 10:45p.m and the laundry room closes in 15 minutes and you forgot to do the laundry for the second day in a row... and who's idea was it to close the laundry room that early anyway?? What about all those late night cleaners/laundry doers like me who need to use it?? ... I think I might try to sneak a load in anyway(shhh don't tell anyone,lol) ......

I think I may end up in coin-op hell....

Oh and why are half my posts about laundry anyway???

2005-02-13T01:46:00.000-05:00

This is my friend Sarah playing catchphrase at my apartment, this girl rocks

2005-02-12T14:21:00.000-05:00

Expiermenting with Picasa2...

Confessions of a Guilt Ridden & Tired Mama

2005-02-12T03:44:00.000-05:00

Ever have a day where you can do nothing right for your child and every little thing causes you to feel guilty because you know you should be able to make it better but you can't??(Does this even make sense?)

Let me explain. Kaia is sick this week, she has an ear infection in each ear. She's been fussing for about a week or two and I finally got her in after having to cancel two appointments because things just kept happening and I could never seem to get there.(Guilt issue #1). We finally manage to get there and yep she's got pretty bad ear infections and needs antibiotics.(Guilt issue #2). She hates being held down and anything stuck in her ears so that caused major trauma (Guilt issue #3). We get home and I planned on putting her down for a nap because she was tired,sick and upset about the doctor. But N.'s Grandma called and she was on her way over to see Kaia (unexpectedly I might add) so I had to keep her up despite the tiredness, etc...and it took the woman an hour to get here(she lives twenty minutes away) so I felt really bad because she could have at least had a small nap.(Guilt issue #4). Finally I get ready to put her down for a nap after Grandma finally leaves, and I realize, I cannot find the infant's tylenol anywhere.(Guilt issue #5,ooo) When Kaia has ear infections there is no way in hell she will sleep unless so physically exhausted she cannot take it anymore unless you give her the Tylenol which takes the pain away so she can sleep( why do I not just go out and buy some more you ask?? Because the stupid 'effin bank closed already and I have no cash or check or card or anything in the form of money, and N was at work so I was stuck..). So she never naps, and doesn't go to bed until she finally passes out at 10:30 and is exhausted. (Guilt issue as I'm sure you've realized there are too many to count # 100,000,000) immediately after putting her down I look around and realize that a toddler despite being sick, crabby and utterly exhausted can still totally wreck your apartment. And all I want to do is go to bed, but by golly if I do one thing right today I'm going to have this place clean!! Naturally that never happens, I get as far as the kitchen and look at the leftovers from the dinner that Kaia didn't eat and decide to leave it and go to bed.(After I post of course, LOL) ... (Guilt isse # 640,000,00)

*This post has no real point to it, so of course I have no clue how to end it in a coherent, meaningful way. I hope it was at least readable. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow there will be a better more well written post,(hopefully). Please excuse any grammar mistakes there is no magic button for that and I'm too tired to try and figure it out myself. *

Pictures!!!

2005-02-11T15:07:00.000-05:00

Kaia on Daddy's shoulder...

I finally figured out how to post pictures on my blog as you can see. Thanks to Plum for telling me how. I'm not sure if it was polite internet etiquette to just show up on her blog asking if she knew how to do this, but she was kind and responded right away.

these two pictures that I have posted so far are a few weeks old and were taken with my friends digi-pen. So they aren't that great. N. and I are way behind most people when it comes to technology., so we have no clue what kind of digital camera to get and spent months debating and researching computers before we gave up and just bought a Dell. (Only because we wanted to hear people say Dude! You got a Dell!) *Editors Note: Lame jokes will be seen frequently on this site, just a little warning, no one gets my humor* So if anyone has any recommendations let me know...

The first picture in the previous post was of my daughter a few weeks ago after I made the mistake of thinking I could go to the bathroom by myself. Because we live in a small two bedroom apartment I figured I could leave the bathroom door open and just listen for her instead of dragging her and thirty five thousand toys into the bathroom so she wouldn't get into my tampons or pads while I peed. But I was wrong. In the 45 seconds I was in the bathroom, Kaia went into the kitchen opened the fridge, pulled out a piece of Chocolate French Silk Pie (yummy!) and proceeded to eat the entire thing spreading it all over her face,hands, the white walls, the cream colored carpet and couch. The coffee table, and all over the sliding glass windows (this is where I found her happily munching away and look at me with a look of utter joy for she had found chocolate!). I was horrified at the mess, but couldn't help but laugh at the cuteness and happiness on her face. So I grabbed the camera and snapped away.

The other picture is from that same night where it was ten o'clock and she was coming down from her chocolate/sugar high, and finally about to go to bed, after being insanely hyper all day!

Chocolate!

2005-02-10T11:08:00.000-05:00

My daughter Kaia....after getting into the chocolate.......

Super Bowl Sunday Ramblings

2005-02-07T09:43:00.000-05:00

Super Bowl Sunday, yay!

Not.

I don't like football, mostly because I don't understand it, but my hubby loves it so I'll pretend to be upset that the Eagles(?) lost. Well whatever team Philadelphia was.

Last night we went to my hubby's father's house to watch the game. His wife Kaias's (step) grandmother was there and apparently she likes football too. So I was the odd person out. So I tried to like it I asked questions about who was who and who was doing what and things like that. But this annoyed N.(this is what I will be calling my hubby-not very original I know, but I'm too tired to think of something witty) it annoyed him because I was interrupting the SUPERBOWL, any other game this would be fine but not the SUPERBOWL ( this is a most unpardonable sin it's the SUPERBOWL a game unlike any other that must not be interuppted unless we are lying on the floor bleeding to death,then only then, will he stop watching long enough to pick of the phone and dial 911). So I just played with my adorable cuteness, the whole evening. So it was pretty uneventful except for when she got crabby and needed to get to bed but N. would not leave the SUPERBOWL for anything. (remember we weren't laying on the floor bleeding to death).

I don't get the difference between a regular football game and the SUPERBOWL. I'm sorry if I offend any football fanatics that happen to stumble on this site, but I just don't get the point to throwing a piece of skin around and killing each other for it. It's boring. In my opinion anyway. So it was the most annoying thing that we had to stay.

*I was wondering if anyone could explain to computer challenged me how to put pictures on my site? I'm sure if I had many hours to spend searching on this vast internet I could figure it out. But I don't have that time and I find it too tedious and will most likely get frustrated and give up anyway. So if any of you out there happen to read this blog(hopefully it's not too boring) could'ja tell me how to post pics???*

Question

2005-02-06T15:23:00.001-05:00

Does anyone out there know how to post pics on a site like this???

Party like it's my birfday...

2005-02-06T15:23:00.000-05:00

This month I turn 21. Family members keep asking me if I'm excited or if I feel any different being a legal 100% alcohol buying adult. (keep in mind they are asking this two weeks early my birthday isn't until the 23rd so all my feelings may suddenly change on the actual day) I keep telling my family that no I don't feel any different, and that I have felt like and adult for a long time. Some of them argue with me saying that 21 is still very young and there is no way I could have felt like an adult because I don't know what being an adult is yet. Which is as annoying as you can imagine since I have been living out on my own since my 18th birthday, and have a husband, and child of my own and deal with bills and rent and endless amount of things that only "adults" do. But no I have no idea what it's like to be an adult.

None at all..

It's so frustrating...

2005-02-02T05:22:00.000-05:00

when you do laundry in the laundry room on your floor, and someone unplugs the machine halfway through the cycle and your clothes are soaking wet when you pull them out. Forcing you to pay another 1.25$ to go through another wash so it goes through the spin cycle....

~Thought~

2005-02-01T12:50:00.000-05:00

I wonder...does anyone read this blog yet???

Kaias eyes...

2005-01-31T07:12:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went in my daughters room and just watched her sleep. I thought about who she looks like more. Me or her dad? I ended up deciding she looked like us both. But most importantly she looks like herself,she looks Kaia. I can very faintly see the beginnings of the little girl she's going to be and later the strong woman I hope she will be.
I can see her losing her baby look. Her cheekbones are just a little bit more pronounced her jaw a little more firm, her face more expressive with emotion. Her eyes are what get me the most though. They are alive with understanding and communication. It's as if a light bulb went off in her head and suddenly she made that transition from that little baby who didn't quite get what was going on and was content to be in her own little world to that toddler/child who needs to know more and to quickly learn everything there is in the world. She understands everything now. And is starting to be able to communicate that. While her speech is still developing people may not think so but I see it in her eyes, that look of wonder and accomplishment as she triumphantly figures out one thing after another. The look of independence while she runs around or spins in circles. They aren't a baby's eyes anymore, they are a child's eyes.
It makes me wonder..if she already seems like she's growing up to fast to me now when she's only 14 months old. What will I think when she's 5?? Or 10??

Rant

2005-01-30T01:55:00.000-05:00

Today I planned on just having a quiet day at home with me, my daughter, and my husband. He worked all night last night from 6 p.m. to 4 a.m., so naturally I let him sleep in as late as he wanted to. Expecting that when he got up we'd have a nice lunch of delicious ham and cheese omelets and curl up and watch one of my favorite movies, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (I know it's supposed to be for children, but hey we're all only as old as we feel).

That didn't happen.

What did happen was my mother and sister in law stopped by to give us the w2's that got sent to their house and see Kaia. And they stayed, for hours. Hours. Normally I wouldn't mind this but today, I had laundry to do, I hadn't showered yet, Kaia needed to take a nap she was overdue by an hour. And trust me when Kaia is tired, she lets it be known. My parents were also coming over as well for a short visit (emphasis on the short) and unfortunately my husbands family and mine don't get along at all. (Our wedding reception was barely civil) . So I tried to politely,discreetly drop many hints that it was time to go,by saying things that anyone would get but are lost on my mother-in-law. Things like, boy, I got to get started on this massive load of laundry. And my parents are due any minute now and I haven't even showered, or wow, it's getting late I'm sure you want to get back home before all the traffic hits.....
To me these things are all very obvious code for," get out!! I have eighty million things to do and your in the way!!" "Come back some other time just not now!!!" But of course my mother in law isn't fluent in polite lingo for get out of my house, (or she ignored me), and stayed until five minutes before my parents were due to walk in the door. I had to do a cleanup/shower/throw laundry in the washer and shove the rest under the bed and hope they don't notice marathon. Not the relaxing day I planned. And I'm sure you've guessed by now. Poor Kaia got a whopping 20 minute nap compared to her usual 2-3 hr ones. Resulting in the world's most crabby, I'll scream if you touch me and scream if you don't baby and have meltdowns all over the place until you put me to bed!!! To top it off, my husband had to go to work leaving me with my 16 yr. old sister who is staying the night and is having some issues of her own that result in her being very bitchy. (Yes I occasionally will use the odd curse word on this site). I won't go into details but just trust me when I say that my sister is not a person you want to be around when she is bitchy, the result is often temper tantrums that rival a 2 yr olds (hers not mine). All this while I still had laundry, dishes,cleanup after baby and guests...

I realize I may be totally overreacting to the situation, and other people might think that this is nothing but I know for me, it's the end of a very long day stressful day and I want to go have a meltdown myself....

It's so frustrating...

2005-01-29T06:08:00.000-05:00

When you write a post so long it looks like the Gettysburg Address, and then accidentally hit the refresh button, deleting everything you wrote and you have to start over. But you can't because it's two o'clock in the morning and you do eventually need to go to bed....But then the as you are about to get into bed the baby hears you trip right outside her bedroom door, wakes up and proceeds to play and sing and yell for the next hour,not allowing you to go to sleep until three a.m. when you have to be up at 9 a.m the next morning....

Um......

2005-01-28T23:12:00.000-05:00

I suppose I should start of this blog by telling you about myself and why I started this blog.I'll be honest I'm not that great of a writer and to me this feels like one of those essays your third grade teacher would assign about your summer vacation. I don't mean the whole blog just the first start-up get to know you blog. I'm a 20 year old married stay at home mom of a beautiful 14 month old baby girl,her name is Kaia (hence the name of this blog). I'll probably be writing about her the most. But she's not why I started this. Over the past few months I've been reading many other great websites. Like dooce.com (check it out if you haven't yet) or crazyus.com and many many others. These woman are all mothers who keep a daily blog and share their daily lives with other mothers out there like me, who are cooped at home with their children and at times feel as if it is the hardest,most frustrating thing in the world. To me it seems like their daily blogs are therapeutic, and a great way to document their childrens lives. So I decided to try it. I hope as time goes on that the words will become easier and I'll relax a little bit. I am generally a very private person to the point where it is hard for me to get close to anyone, even my own husband. There are other events in my past that contributed to this need of mine to keep everything private, but I'll talk about that later. Right now I feel this will be a great way for me to learn to be more open and share more of myself with others. What a better way to start the sharing you most personal thoughts with the internet?