Kaias eyes...

Tonight I went in my daughters room and just watched her sleep. I thought about who she looks like more. Me or her dad? I ended up deciding she looked like us both. But most importantly she looks like herself,she looks Kaia. I can very faintly see the beginnings of the little girl she's going to be and later the strong woman I hope she will be.
I can see her losing her baby look. Her cheekbones are just a little bit more pronounced her jaw a little more firm, her face more expressive with emotion. Her eyes are what get me the most though. They are alive with understanding and communication. It's as if a light bulb went off in her head and suddenly she made that transition from that little baby who didn't quite get what was going on and was content to be in her own little world to that toddler/child who needs to know more and to quickly learn everything there is in the world. She understands everything now. And is starting to be able to communicate that. While her speech is still developing people may not think so but I see it in her eyes, that look of wonder and accomplishment as she triumphantly figures out one thing after another. The look of independence while she runs around or spins in circles. They aren't a baby's eyes anymore, they are a child's eyes.
It makes me wonder..if she already seems like she's growing up to fast to me now when she's only 14 months old. What will I think when she's 5?? Or 10??

Rant

Today I planned on just having a quiet day at home with me, my daughter, and my husband. He worked all night last night from 6 p.m. to 4 a.m., so naturally I let him sleep in as late as he wanted to. Expecting that when he got up we'd have a nice lunch of delicious ham and cheese omelets and curl up and watch one of my favorite movies, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (I know it's supposed to be for children, but hey we're all only as old as we feel).

That didn't happen.

What did happen was my mother and sister in law stopped by to give us the w2's that got sent to their house and see Kaia. And they stayed, for hours. Hours. Normally I wouldn't mind this but today, I had laundry to do, I hadn't showered yet, Kaia needed to take a nap she was overdue by an hour. And trust me when Kaia is tired, she lets it be known. My parents were also coming over as well for a short visit (emphasis on the short) and unfortunately my husbands family and mine don't get along at all. (Our wedding reception was barely civil) . So I tried to politely,discreetly drop many hints that it was time to go,by saying things that anyone would get but are lost on my mother-in-law. Things like, boy, I got to get started on this massive load of laundry. And my parents are due any minute now and I haven't even showered, or wow, it's getting late I'm sure you want to get back home before all the traffic hits.....
To me these things are all very obvious code for," get out!! I have eighty million things to do and your in the way!!" "Come back some other time just not now!!!" But of course my mother in law isn't fluent in polite lingo for get out of my house, (or she ignored me), and stayed until five minutes before my parents were due to walk in the door. I had to do a cleanup/shower/throw laundry in the washer and shove the rest under the bed and hope they don't notice marathon. Not the relaxing day I planned. And I'm sure you've guessed by now. Poor Kaia got a whopping 20 minute nap compared to her usual 2-3 hr ones. Resulting in the world's most crabby, I'll scream if you touch me and scream if you don't baby and have meltdowns all over the place until you put me to bed!!! To top it off, my husband had to go to work leaving me with my 16 yr. old sister who is staying the night and is having some issues of her own that result in her being very bitchy. (Yes I occasionally will use the odd curse word on this site). I won't go into details but just trust me when I say that my sister is not a person you want to be around when she is bitchy, the result is often temper tantrums that rival a 2 yr olds (hers not mine). All this while I still had laundry, dishes,cleanup after baby and guests...

I realize I may be totally overreacting to the situation, and other people might think that this is nothing but I know for me, it's the end of a very long day stressful day and I want to go have a meltdown myself....

It's so frustrating...

When you write a post so long it looks like the Gettysburg Address, and then accidentally hit the refresh button, deleting everything you wrote and you have to start over. But you can't because it's two o'clock in the morning and you do eventually need to go to bed....But then the as you are about to get into bed the baby hears you trip right outside her bedroom door, wakes up and proceeds to play and sing and yell for the next hour,not allowing you to go to sleep until three a.m. when you have to be up at 9 a.m the next morning....

Um......

I suppose I should start of this blog by telling you about myself and why I started this blog.I'll be honest I'm not that great of a writer and to me this feels like one of those essays your third grade teacher would assign about your summer vacation. I don't mean the whole blog just the first start-up get to know you blog. I'm a 20 year old married stay at home mom of a beautiful 14 month old baby girl,her name is Kaia (hence the name of this blog). I'll probably be writing about her the most. But she's not why I started this. Over the past few months I've been reading many other great websites. Like dooce.com (check it out if you haven't yet) or crazyus.com and many many others. These woman are all mothers who keep a daily blog and share their daily lives with other mothers out there like me, who are cooped at home with their children and at times feel as if it is the hardest,most frustrating thing in the world. To me it seems like their daily blogs are therapeutic, and a great way to document their childrens lives. So I decided to try it. I hope as time goes on that the words will become easier and I'll relax a little bit. I am generally a very private person to the point where it is hard for me to get close to anyone, even my own husband. There are other events in my past that contributed to this need of mine to keep everything private, but I'll talk about that later. Right now I feel this will be a great way for me to learn to be more open and share more of myself with others. What a better way to start the sharing you most personal thoughts with the internet?