I'm a little down and frustrated right now. There's no specific reason why I'm so damn crabby, I just AM. I need to vent and I am too afraid to really tell anyone, until now. When I decided to just post a big old list of all the things I that are bothering me .I hestitated for days because I don't want to seem ungrateful or bratty or complaining. But it's my blog and sometimes I wonder if anyone else out there feels the way I do. Or if I just need a kick in the pants and told to get my head out of my ass. So here goes:

Right now I am feeling like I hate all these things:

• that it's the second trimester and I am still throwing up.
• that my sleep is totally screwed up and I am constantly tired
• I feel like a horrible mom because lately I have been very irritated with Kaia as much as I love her there are days where it's just NOT cute that she managed to get into the fridge or the diaper wipes or SOMETHING that creates a mess. All in the time it takes me to pee.
• our insurance that we got from a program here in Ohio that has been wonderful because it's free cut us off because we just barely make too much to qualify,but yet we can't really afford insurance (also am totally useless parent for this)
• the fact that I can't go to my OB for a checkup until the new insurance kicks in and I am way overdue for one having missed the last one because Kai was in the hospital (also am horrible mother for this)
• I have no energy and feel like shit and like a lazy bum because I have no energy, there are tons of pregnant mothers out there who work and deal with a toddler at home and still manage to have a clean house -what the hell is wrong with me that I am so damn tired???
• I REALLY hate the fact that we have to get a new car out of the blue and it's causing huge financial problems, because N has no credit and therefore can't get anything credit-wise and my credit is absolute crap because of an insurance error that didn't cover Kaias birth and I owe thousands of dollars..... so we may have to buy yet another crappy car that will break and thus the whole process starts again
• I am a socially awkward person and often feel very isolated because I only have a few people that I am comfortable with and making new friends almost rarely happens ....

I also really don't like the fact that there is more that I could say but I am too chickenshit to say it. I'm just going to end here, and go to bed and hope I feel better in the morning.

I'm back!

Yes,I''m back, sorry for the long delay, it has been a very busy week. Blogger has also been mean again and refusing to let me on. I know I need to post a bad pic of myself b/c I lost the bet with my bro and I'm working on it I swear. I don't actually own a digital camera of any sort, so I borrow my step- dad's and use it for a week or so, then return it and he uploads the pictures to his computer and emails the pictures to me and then I have to put them on here. So it takes forever, I have yet to give the camera back because our car died. Yup,died.Kaput,broken, not drivable. Can't be fixed we need a new engine and according to the mechanic we might as well buy a new car. So this week has been stressful. N and I have been sniping at each other both worried over money and whatnot. So I promise lots of cute pics soon, and a more coherent well written post, when I have some free time.....

My kids poops in the bathtub. There I said it. I have no idea why, but lately EVERYTIME I have given her a bath sure enough at some point out comes the poop, then I have drain the water and refill the tub. It's gross. I have no clue how to stop her from doing this. I tried pushing back the time I give her a bath thinking maybe it just intereferes with that time she just needs to go. But no luck I waited a full hour and no poop so I went ahead and gave her one. Two minutes into the bath out came the poop. I've never heard of anyone else having this problem. It's very weird, and very gross. Any advice on this would be much appreciated.

I give up....

Ok, he wins, it seems everyone but me is able to see a resemblance between my brother and Brandon Flowers from The Killers. So yes it is now time for me to fess up. Our bet was if he won I'd have to post a pic of him in a skirt/dress. If he won, I have to post a pic of myself just out of bed in the morning, bed head, skanky pajamas, the whole nine yards. This may not sound particularly horrible, but for me it is. Have you noticed I never post pics of myself? Sure of Kaia I will she's cute. Of my family sure,anyone, as long as they aren't ME. I have issues with my looks,I have never photographed well. In fact there's only one recent pic of myself that I actually like..unfortunately Nate was being a total goof so it turned out bad. Also I think I look horrible with my glasses, but I have to wear them because of an eye infection I had after Kaia was born. Contacts are out. I am also in the process of growing my hair out after I cut it short, so it's not to great right now. But a bets a bet so I'll suck it up and do it. I promised him I'd have the pic up by the end of the week. So....look for a horrible picture that'll be up sometime soon. Hopefully it won't frighten you too bad.....

This is Will he's my 15 yr old little bro he thinks he looks like the guy in the pic below,(the one not wearing a jacket) I don't see it. So we have a bet and need your help leave me a comment and tell me what you think, does he look like him or not?
 

The Killers 

I had a nice long post about my week and various things all written out and ready to post, blogger was actually being nice to me and working for once. Just as I hit that publish post button....my power went out in my building, and for a about half my little town. By the time I was able to get back to my compy and try to retrieve it it was too late.....I'll try to write something more tommorow I promise.......on a funny note just to give you an example of my week, some friends came and picked up my and Kai we went and got some dinner, came back and the power was still out. So we went to two different stores and finally found flashlights at Walmart in the next city over. By the time we got back it was 11:00 at night ...and the power was back on...... talk about ironic.....

Today....

Today is my Mother's Day..It's a beyootifull (not just ordinary beautiful but beyootifull!!!) day out, and I was woken up by Nate with a dozen red roses, and a whole day planned! You'll hear from me later about it, so have a great day and check back for details..... ;) !!

Mother's Day....

I'm not celebrating Mother's Day today, tommorow when my hubby has a day off he will take me to my favorite yummy resturant Carrabba's, to celebrate. Which is good because today all I can seem to do is throw up and watch Trading Spaces reruns on TLC. Guess this is my Mother's Day gift from baby#2!!!

Nobody told me...

...that the terrible two's actually started at a year and a half. I thought I had 6 more months to to prepare for the crying,screaming,hitting, and the tantrums a two year old throws. Let's not forget the wonderful No!'s to every little last thing. If she starts now does that mean she ends this stage early??? One can only hope......

Puttin it out there

*Authors note: This is a guest post from my friend Sarah. She's a twenty year old college kid who's going through a relationship problem and could use the advice of people who have been through it. So feel free to email me or comment as much as you like*

Um.....I don't really know what to write. Lisa's making me do this. Ok well I could use some advice on a situation though. I have a boyfriend who's a really great guy but like I'm so not happy. It's really weird but like sometimes I feel like I really like him but then other times I feel kinda indifferent. It's like I don't know if I feel that attracted to him. Is this normal? It' been like 10 months. I wonder if my age has something to do with it. I'll be 20 in September, he'll be 22 in August. It's not really like that for him, instead he feels like he really loves me and wants to be with me and it hurts him that I feel this way. He feels like he failed b/c of how I feel. It's hard b/c when I think about him I see what a great guy he is and how hard he tries for me but yet I feel so emotionally drained from this relationship. (hehe Kaia's shaking her head no at the vacuum:~p) It's really taken it's toll on me too. Now I see a counselor and am simply not as happy as I used to be. I don't feel the freedom with life that I used to. Last year everybody knew me as somebody who enjoyed life so much, now it's totally different. There are other things in my life that changed too that I don't think helped this situation, however I think this is the primary problem. I'm constantly plagued by this decision about whether or not we should break up and the hardest thing is that he's willing to go through whatever it takes to be with me!!! I feel like there is so much more work in our relationship then happiness. It's like I totally want to be romanced and flirted with and have fun. I want the challenge of a relationship but not when it's unnecessarily hard and draining. Things are always misinterpreted and over analyzed. They're not really taken lightly when they should be (this is totally not only his fault). It just winds up making me feel hindered. I just don't feel the freedom that I should. It would also be hard to break up with him b/c we have so many of the same friends and we're both Christian so we're both involved with a lot of the same things on our campus. It would be so hard to see him especially if he moved on and found another gf. Is it possible to fix this? I need help!!! He and I have gotten so close in a lot of ways and I don't wanna lose that. He's so strong and balanced sometimes and it can bring logic to my emotions. I don't know what to do. Somebody please tell me!! How could have this great and devoted guy and then be so unhappy? One quick side statement......Lisa's starting to show!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe I can't wait!! And Kai is so cute!!!!