Tony, Nancy and my adorable little punkin butt (yes I call her a punkin butt!!), last night at my bday dinner.
That's my lil sis Ashley in the background.

Me,Nate, My brothers girlfriend Nancy, and my brother Tony at the Outback last night for my birthday dinner.

21

Today I am 21!

**Thanks Honey for giving me my favorite breakfast in bed!!**
*Thanks Sarah for getting me the super cute outfit and giving me my first official birthday present this year!!!*

I'm not tired!!

I'm too tired to write anything tonight, I'm sick and crabby so I'll leave you with this grainy pic of Kaia at three o'clock in the morning refusing to go to bed. This was taken weeks ago but I love the look on her face! It amazes me at how stubborn kids can be sometimes, we ended up just letting her play by herself in her crib until she fell asleep.Which was finally about 4 a.m I think.

Mamamamamama

She called me Mama.
For the first time. Ever. She looked right at me and said it.

Oh my god. I am a Mama!!!

Blog-Block

I have writers block. Well, that's not entirely accurate since the only place I truly write anything is here on this blog, so I guess you could say I have blog-block. A few days ago I promised a big long post the next day. But found myself putting it off for one reason or another. It wasn't until this morning when I sat down at this computer and checked my site and thought about why I've been putting it off. It's not that I don't want to write it's that I can't. Which is not a good thing. So I'm going to try to put down some of the things that have been going through my head and causing this block.

I think one of the major reasons, why I have not written is that N. and I are waiting for some news that we really, really want to hear that could change our entire family's lives, and is also something we really, really want( One really isn't enough to emphasize how much we really really want this!LOL.) . So I spend most of my time trying not to think about the what if's on this subject or hoping that it'll come through. And that takes up a lot of space in my head. I don't want to write about this subject on my blog just yet, mostly because family members read this site, and while I love you guys I'm not ready to say anything just yet. So when I sit down to write all that comes out are my hopes and fears on this subject and as I said I'm not ready to tell everyone just yet. A few of you know what I'm talking about and are anxiously crossing your fingers and hoping with me, but as for the ones who are reading this and have no clue what I'm talking about,I'm very sorry and hopefully this will make some sort of sense to you,later on.

Tomorrow I'm going to breakfast with my brother and his new girlfriend, this may not sound like anything to cause someone to analyze and think about, but for me it does. I don't remember a whole lot of my childhood, but what I do remember is that growing up my brother and I used to fight a lot. It seems like that's all we did. Throughout my high school years we had the occasional fight but for the most part we ignored each other. He was the popular guy in high school who everyone knew. I was the exact opposite of that, no one knew me,I was the awkward shy person. The epitome of the word dork. So for me getting to know him and relating to him was very hard. After high school we took very different paths in life, I moved out got married and had a baby, and we never really talked or had much to do with each other. I'm not saying that we were so distant that he wasn't there for me as the protective big brother when I needed him to be, but other than those few times, we never really talked. But then I had my daughter, and Tony(my brother) loves her more than I've ever seen him express anything for anyone. He'll play with her, he'll make baby sounds, he'll laugh and he'll be amazed at the things she does. He'd do anything for this baby. The day she was born he was so excited he left work early and couldn't wait to hold her. I saw a whole side to him I didn't even know that was there.Because of Kaia we've finally started the adult phase of our relationship. We're getting to know each other. Talking is easier now. We actually make plans to go out and do things. This is all very strange new territory for me and has been on my mind lately.

Some other reasons why I have not written have to do with the ordinary everyday things. N. has bronchitis so bad the doctor ordered him to stay home and not step out of the house for three days. Kaia has two ear infections and another tooth is coming in. So dealing with these two when they are sick is like, taking care of two very cranky babies!(Sorry Honey, but you know this is true!!) there have been doctor's appointments back to back practically for the past week. N. has two medications I have to make him take. Kaia has one that you have to hold her down and make her take. This isn't fun. Liquid usually ends up everywhere. But it's finally the end of a very long week. I wonder what next week will bring?

Insomnia??

It's 4a.m, I can't sleep, I think I may have insomnia this has been going on for months. I was bored so I washed the kitchen floor( I know, I know, most people would just be watching late night t.v, but you can only watch so much Nick at Nite...).
Does anyone who actually reads this site, have insomnia or know anyone who does? And what are the symptoms? For me I just stay up really really late and then sleep for four or five hours and get up the next day all fresh and fine....I don't actually know if this is actual insomnia or the effects of way too much caffeine ,lol...

I promise a big long post tomorrow! Too much has been on my mind lately to sort out and put it in too words but I think I'll be able to write about all of it tomorrow....

More Pics..

Kaia and Uncle Tony!!


This is my older brother, and my daughter. I'll write more later.....Big post coming so keep checking back!!!

It's so frustrating...

....when you realize it's 10:45p.m and the laundry room closes in 15 minutes and you forgot to do the laundry for the second day in a row... and who's idea was it to close the laundry room that early anyway?? What about all those late night cleaners/laundry doers like me who need to use it?? ... I think I might try to sneak a load in anyway(shhh don't tell anyone,lol) ......

I think I may end up in coin-op hell....



Oh and why are half my posts about laundry anyway???

This is my friend Sarah playing catchphrase at my apartment, this girl rocks

Expiermenting with Picasa2... 

Confessions of a Guilt Ridden & Tired Mama

Ever have a day where you can do nothing right for your child and every little thing causes you to feel guilty because you know you should be able to make it better but you can't??(Does this even make sense?)

Let me explain. Kaia is sick this week, she has an ear infection in each ear. She's been fussing for about a week or two and I finally got her in after having to cancel two appointments because things just kept happening and I could never seem to get there.(Guilt issue #1). We finally manage to get there and yep she's got pretty bad ear infections and needs antibiotics.(Guilt issue #2). She hates being held down and anything stuck in her ears so that caused major trauma (Guilt issue #3). We get home and I planned on putting her down for a nap because she was tired,sick and upset about the doctor. But N.'s Grandma called and she was on her way over to see Kaia (unexpectedly I might add) so I had to keep her up despite the tiredness, etc...and it took the woman an hour to get here(she lives twenty minutes away) so I felt really bad because she could have at least had a small nap.(Guilt issue #4). Finally I get ready to put her down for a nap after Grandma finally leaves, and I realize, I cannot find the infant's tylenol anywhere.(Guilt issue #5,ooo) When Kaia has ear infections there is no way in hell she will sleep unless so physically exhausted she cannot take it anymore unless you give her the Tylenol which takes the pain away so she can sleep( why do I not just go out and buy some more you ask?? Because the stupid 'effin bank closed already and I have no cash or check or card or anything in the form of money, and N was at work so I was stuck..). So she never naps, and doesn't go to bed until she finally passes out at 10:30 and is exhausted. (Guilt issue as I'm sure you've realized there are too many to count # 100,000,000) immediately after putting her down I look around and realize that a toddler despite being sick, crabby and utterly exhausted can still totally wreck your apartment. And all I want to do is go to bed, but by golly if I do one thing right today I'm going to have this place clean!! Naturally that never happens, I get as far as the kitchen and look at the leftovers from the dinner that Kaia didn't eat and decide to leave it and go to bed.(After I post of course, LOL) ... (Guilt isse # 640,000,00)

*This post has no real point to it, so of course I have no clue how to end it in a coherent, meaningful way. I hope it was at least readable. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow there will be a better more well written post,(hopefully). Please excuse any grammar mistakes there is no magic button for that and I'm too tired to try and figure it out myself. *

Pictures!!!

Kaia on Daddy's shoulder...

I finally figured out how to post pictures on my blog as you can see. Thanks to Plum for telling me how. I'm not sure if it was polite internet etiquette to just show up on her blog asking if she knew how to do this, but she was kind and responded right away.

these two pictures that I have posted so far are a few weeks old and were taken with my friends digi-pen. So they aren't that great. N. and I are way behind most people when it comes to technology., so we have no clue what kind of digital camera to get and spent months debating and researching computers before we gave up and just bought a Dell. (Only because we wanted to hear people say Dude! You got a Dell!) *Editors Note: Lame jokes will be seen frequently on this site, just a little warning, no one gets my humor* So if anyone has any recommendations let me know...

The first picture in the previous post was of my daughter a few weeks ago after I made the mistake of thinking I could go to the bathroom by myself. Because we live in a small two bedroom apartment I figured I could leave the bathroom door open and just listen for her instead of dragging her and thirty five thousand toys into the bathroom so she wouldn't get into my tampons or pads while I peed. But I was wrong. In the 45 seconds I was in the bathroom, Kaia went into the kitchen opened the fridge, pulled out a piece of Chocolate French Silk Pie (yummy!) and proceeded to eat the entire thing spreading it all over her face,hands, the white walls, the cream colored carpet and couch. The coffee table, and all over the sliding glass windows (this is where I found her happily munching away and look at me with a look of utter joy for she had found chocolate!). I was horrified at the mess, but couldn't help but laugh at the cuteness and happiness on her face. So I grabbed the camera and snapped away.

The other picture is from that same night where it was ten o'clock and she was coming down from her chocolate/sugar high, and finally about to go to bed, after being insanely hyper all day!

Chocolate!

My daughter Kaia....after getting into the chocolate.......

Super Bowl Sunday Ramblings

Super Bowl Sunday, yay!

Not.

I don't like football, mostly because I don't understand it, but my hubby loves it so I'll pretend to be upset that the Eagles(?) lost. Well whatever team Philadelphia was.

Last night we went to my hubby's father's house to watch the game. His wife Kaias's (step) grandmother was there and apparently she likes football too. So I was the odd person out. So I tried to like it I asked questions about who was who and who was doing what and things like that. But this annoyed N.(this is what I will be calling my hubby-not very original I know, but I'm too tired to think of something witty) it annoyed him because I was interrupting the SUPERBOWL, any other game this would be fine but not the SUPERBOWL ( this is a most unpardonable sin it's the SUPERBOWL a game unlike any other that must not be interuppted unless we are lying on the floor bleeding to death,then only then, will he stop watching long enough to pick of the phone and dial 911). So I just played with my adorable cuteness, the whole evening. So it was pretty uneventful except for when she got crabby and needed to get to bed but N. would not leave the SUPERBOWL for anything. (remember we weren't laying on the floor bleeding to death).

I don't get the difference between a regular football game and the SUPERBOWL. I'm sorry if I offend any football fanatics that happen to stumble on this site, but I just don't get the point to throwing a piece of skin around and killing each other for it. It's boring. In my opinion anyway. So it was the most annoying thing that we had to stay.


*I was wondering if anyone could explain to computer challenged me how to put pictures on my site? I'm sure if I had many hours to spend searching on this vast internet I could figure it out. But I don't have that time and I find it too tedious and will most likely get frustrated and give up anyway. So if any of you out there happen to read this blog(hopefully it's not too boring) could'ja tell me how to post pics???*

Question

Does anyone out there know how to post pics on a site like this???

Party like it's my birfday...

This month I turn 21. Family members keep asking me if I'm excited or if I feel any different being a legal 100% alcohol buying adult. (keep in mind they are asking this two weeks early my birthday isn't until the 23rd so all my feelings may suddenly change on the actual day) I keep telling my family that no I don't feel any different, and that I have felt like and adult for a long time. Some of them argue with me saying that 21 is still very young and there is no way I could have felt like an adult because I don't know what being an adult is yet. Which is as annoying as you can imagine since I have been living out on my own since my 18th birthday, and have a husband, and child of my own and deal with bills and rent and endless amount of things that only "adults" do. But no I have no idea what it's like to be an adult.

None at all..

It's so frustrating...

when you do laundry in the laundry room on your floor, and someone unplugs the machine halfway through the cycle and your clothes are soaking wet when you pull them out. Forcing you to pay another 1.25$ to go through another wash so it goes through the spin cycle....

~Thought~

I wonder...does anyone read this blog yet???