Sunday, August 20, 2006


It's nearing the end of August. And the end of summer.The days are starting to cool. The air in the evening has a certain smell to it. A nip that wasn't there before. Tonight as I watched my kids play outside, Kaia yelling in her little voice for Cole to come and get her, and him moving his chubby little thighs as fast as he could with a huge grin on his face as he crawled. I felt myself feeling like I was going to cry. Another season is gone and my children are just a little older. I wished I could freeze frame this moment in my mind forever. This image of Kaia with a huge smile on her face and laughing and Cole grining in his sweet baby way. Kaia will be three in a few months and Cole one. I wonder if they will remember these little moments. Somewhere in the deepest part of their minds,their souls even. It might be vague just a rememberence of a laugh or a smile. The way the air smelled. Or a feeling. But I hope this will stay with them. This golden perfect evening when all was right with the world. Just us enjoying one another and the beautiful night. Not the times of frustration over something that in the scheme of things is nothing at all. Or the constant nagging when we are late. Any one of the billion moments when its so easy to forget that they won't be this age forever one day they will move away from me. They won't have chubby thighs and laughs that echo in the evening. They won't run to me for kisses. They'll grow up and become adults with their own busy lives. Childhood really is fleeting. I hope I can remember that and stop more and forget the other things and just enjoy my children as they are now. They won't be this way forever.

Saturday, August 19, 2006's been a long time coming!!!

Wow. Ok. So I haven't posted in an incredibly long time. I just couldn't do it. I thought about it many times. But my family and Nates family started reading my blog. Or at least they knew about it. I started feeling so constricted. I couldn't really post about what I wanted too. Then life just got in the way of life for me. It was too hard. I was feeling alot of feelings that were too hard to express. All sorts of things that I wonder if they even matter now. I did start keeping a mini My*space blog. Then the thought occurred to me. That I was blocking the public from reading it. But the people I was most worried about on this blog. Could all read that one. So I stopped caring. And here I am. I'm not too sure if this all makes sense. I doubt anyone still reads this. But thats ok. I 'm ready. I'm ready to put myself out there again and just do it. This time for me, and no one else. I may not write that well, my grammar may be horrible. But at least I'm finally fully there and ready to express myself. Hopefully I can stop feeling so pent up. Hopefully.

To catch myself back up I'll be copying my myspace blogs here over the course of the next few days. For now enjoy some pics.

Kaia is almost three!

Cole is almost one!!